Attraction that is Blossoming (Prologue to Jerkwad)
by Slishes Maloney
Summary: After his breakup with Flame Princess and the death of his hero, Billy, Finn spiraled into depression that lasts for almost a year. However, he finds himself, again, through the help of an unlikely character, Marceline the Vampire Queen. Will this manage to blossom into a beautiful romance? Did you not read the title of this story, dumdum? Note: Alternate Timeline.
1. ATIB Part 1

**Sorry for the wait, guys, and sorry for not adding another chapter to Jerkwad, yet. I just really wanted to write a prologue story before I finished with Jerkwad because I wanted a better idea of how Finn and Marcy's friendship blossomed. My brother's fiancé said that I didn't really need to do this, but my brother was totally on board and helped me to write it. I promise that I will get back to working on Jerkwad really soon. Also, this still an alternate timeline. Any episode taking place after** _ **Escape from the Citadel**_ **is not canonical to this story. :)**

 ***Update June 25 2019*: I've decided to make Bubblegum and Marceline's romance canonical with this continuity, at least in the past. After rethinking the meaning behind _What Was Missing_ as well as _Sky Witch_ (not to mention that it was actually made canonical by the end of the series), I decided that simply seeing it as nothing more than platonic was just not feasible (and a bit immature on my part). Honestly, I don't really ship those two, but it would add more tension between the two characters in later stories for my continuity. It would also better relate Marcy with Finn, as both had feelings for the same woman.**

* * *

 **Attraction that is Blossoming**

Finn sat atop the tree fort, looking up the starry night sky of Ooo, not the least bit happy about his place in life. He ate from a huge tub of ice cream, his belly extended from inactivity and overall bad dieting _**(If you listened closely, you could hear the diabetes and future heart failures begging to be noticed)**_. _Stupid Billy,_ he thought to himself. _It's your fault I feel like this._ He waited, impatiently, hoping to see his former idol appear in the stars like he did a year ago. These were the only moments where he felt anything. He looked at his arm, and despite the cute little flower that hung from the stump, it made him quite angry. "Hey Billy!" he shouted. "Why the helps didn't you tell me my dad was a complete jerk?! And why you didn't you tell me any of this before you went kaput?! I swam through an entire freaking ocean for you, Billy, and this is all I get?!" He waited longer, but still it was silent. Finn's face grew red with anger. "BILLY! ANSWER MEEEEEEE!" He threw one the many ice cream bowls into the night sky, inadvertently hitting an anthropomorphic star.

"Ow! My chromosphere!" shouted the star, and it went plummeting to the earth.

Finn gave another angry shout to the heavens, before his depression finally settled back in, and he collapsed on his back. "Whatever. He's dead, and he's not coming back." He sighed. "Maybe I was just seeing things. Maybe life was always just me seeing things." From the corner of his eye, he took notice of a pink note. He sighed, again, knowing full well who it was from, and read the note, without much vigor.

 _Dear Finn,  
Come to the Candy Kingdom as soon as you can. There's a very important matter that we need to discuss.  
Sincerely, Princess Bubblegum._

The cold, methodical writing really ticked Finn off, and so he shrieked out of anger and tore apart the letter and tossed the pieces off the edge _._ "You still see me as just your little errand boy, huh?! Well, forget it! I hate your stupid face and I just want you to go away, forever!" Finn never forgave Bubblegum for her total disregard of his feelings for her, and he had convinced himself that he never wanted to see her again. At least, that's what he told himself. _**(Bet ya he won't see her again, eh?)**_ But, Finn started to feel a twinge of guilt in his gut. His fat, chubby, disgusting gut. _**(Not the**_ _**type of gut the ladies would lick your face over. Wait. What?)**_ He sighed. "I could never hate you, PB. Not even if you hated me." Then the subject of love and guilt ultimately led to a name he didn't want to say **_(not even in his italicized, mind-bound words)_**. _Flame…Princ…_ He started to tear up. "Naw, man. I can't even. Not now. Not ever again." He sighed and started to feel sleepy. After a moment of motionlessness, Finn fell straight asleep, his depression so deep that sleep was the sweetest release from the bumpassness of his life.

However, he felt something slimy crawling up his armpits. "Hehehehe! Hey, Jake!" He giggled. "Quit licking my armpits! Hehehehe… you know I…Ha ha ha…hate that!" He finally opened his eyes and saw black tentacles crawling all over his body. He squealed. He felt himself being pulled backward, and when he turned his head, he saw the freakish maw of a monster waiting to eat him up. "AAAAH! JAKE! Heeeelp!" Were he in better shape, he would've easily gotten out of the hold, but obesity had a way of making one...well...sluggish and out of breath, to put it lightly. Still, he struggled as best as he could, but he just edged closer and closer to the creature's mouth. He was losing breath. "Argh! Curse you, cellulite! You've failed me again!" when his head was finally in the mouth of the creature, he closed his eyes, awaiting his fate. However, instead of gnashing teeth and crushed bones, he simply heard the giggle of a girl, and then felt soft a kiss upon his cheek.

"Got ya," she said. "Scared ya good, didn't I?"

Finn knew that voice. "M-M-Marceline?" He then saw the familiar face of the Vampire Queen plastered upon the black mass of tentacles. "W-What are you doing here?"

She returned to her regular form. "I always come here to watch you sleep. Duh."

"Oh yeah," Finn realized, half-heartedly. He turned away from her, too tired and depressed to want to see anybody, much less Marceline, the least sentimental and mopey person he knew.

"Speaking of which," she continued. "Isn't past your bedtime, kiddo? You usually go to bed on time like a good, little boy." She patted his head.

Finn jerked his head away. "Not now, Marcy. I don't feel like any of your games, right now."

Marcy raised a brow at Finn's irritation. This was not the kid she was used to seeing. She sighed, sympathetically. "Look, Finn," she said with more sincerity. "The real reason I'm here is because Jake keeps telling me you haven't been up for any jam sessions, lately, and that you don't want to see anybody. And I haven't seen you in, like, forever. What the heck, man?" Finn didn't answer, simply pouting and turning away from her. She gave a smile, hoping to get through to him. "What's wrong, hero? Too jelly that you can't compete with the awesomeness that is the Vampire Que…" She stopped, finally taking notice of Finn's flowery nub. "Finn! What the heck happened there?"

"It's none of your business!" Finned fully turned away from her. "Just leave me alone, Marcy!"

Marcy frowned, generally hurt by his rejection. As if by instinct, she entered her typical "apathetic mentality" mode and blew a strand of hair out of her face. "Fine. Whatever. I didn't want to talk to you, anyway. I'm outta here." She simply turned away and was about to fly off.

Realizing how he acted, Finn's guilt quickly overtook him. "It was my dad!"

Marcy paused for a second before turning back. "What?"

Finn's eyes started to water. "I met my dad…my real dad…"

Marcy gave a puzzled look and came a little closer. "Wait? You…have a dad?"

"Yeah!" Finn shouted, tears running down his face. "And he was a total jerk who abandoned me in the woods as a baby! I tried to make him stay with me…and then… I just lost my arm, alright?!"

Marcy simply looked at Finn, seeing a side of him that she had never seen, before. A side of him that she never really wanted to see. Things just got real, and Marcy didn't know how to handle feelings that were real. Not really. Not with friends (Or possums, because possums are _way_ too emotional) She rubbed the back of her head, not sure of what to say. "Man…that sucks."

Finn became even more fired up. "And my girlfriend broke up with me because of my big, stupid poo brain, Bubblegum still won't tell me how she really feels about me, and worse…" he started choking up at this. "…I lost my hero, Billy, to the Lich!" He bawled his eyes out, not even caring anymore that he looked like a big crybaby in front of the one person he felt wouldn't understand.

Marcy just stared at the kid, dumbfounded by the amount of feels that were emanating off of him. She had occasionally seen a more emotional side of him, before, but never to this extent. This kid was depressed. No. Beyond depressed. He was pure bumpass. And part of Marcy just wanted to leave and pretend she didn't hear any of that or cared about anything that he was feeling. But, in truth, she understood completely what he was going through. Bad break up? Try three hundred-eighty seven of them. Major daddy issues? She made Finn go through literal Heck because of it. Not knowing what Bonnibel really thought of you? Shucks. five-hundred years worth of relationship issues can really surprise a person. A missing arm? Well, actually…a healing factor is a pretty awesome thing to have, so… she couldn't actually relate to that one. But… the loss of a loved one? _That_ much she understood. Marceline cried a single tear. She looked away from Finn. "Yeah, man. I get it. I know exactly how you feel."

Finn sniffled and look up at her. "You do?"

"I've been through the exact same stuff you have. A hundred times over."

"I…I…" Finn didn't know what to say. An empathetic Marcy? That was like having a boring Capybara: it just didn't make sense. "I'm-I'm sorry…I-I didn't know."

She shrugged. "You never asked." Catching herself slipping, she coughed and said, "Not like I'd tell you, anyway, kiddo. There are so many skeletons in this closet, it's a little too spooky, even for me."

Finn looked at the Vampire Queen, seeing straight through the façade of a girl who hid her feelings under a tough exterior. A façade he so often wore himself, especially when it came to like-liking girls. _Maybe we're not as different as I thought._ Finn gave another sigh. "Yeah. I guess that makes sense. Expressing your feelings sucks in a big way."

Marcy gave a half-hearted chuckle. "Yeah. Ain't that the truth?"

Finn sighed again. "Life sucks in an even bigger way. I hate it, man."

Marcy cringed at that. Finn saying life sucked was like enjoying hibiscus flavoring: it just didn't make sense. "Woah, Finn. I think you're being a little too hasty. I mean, yeah, I know what you're going through sucks," then, thinking about Billy, she added, "Ok. So it really, really sucks. But you're still just a kid. You shouldn't be saying life sucks when you've barely lived it."

Finn looked at her, questionably. "Then why do you get to say how much life sucks?"

She shrugged, giving a smile. "I'm really old, Finn. I have the right to say life sucks. And for me, it's been mostly true." She frowned and huffed. "But you still got a life to live. You got tons of people who like you, who look up to you, who want to be you…" She smiled. "And a ton of girls who want to make out with you."

"Blegh!" Finn exclaimed, blushing.

Marcy chuckled. "Point is, you still got something to live for, and you don't have a lot of time to fix it. Me? I've got an eternity to do whatever I want."

Finn frowned, feeling way more down. "Eternity, huh? I wish I had that. But I'm just gonna get old, and fat, and wear old man diapers." He laid back and splayed his arms out carelessly. "I don't know, Marcy. I just…don't feel I can fix anything. I'm too far gone…too far fat…too far stupid."

Marcy sighed. _Man. Why do I even bother? I'm no good at this guff._ She was tempted to leave once more, but seeing him pathetically scoop a glob of ice cream into his mouth with an unreasonably grimy, sugar-stained hand made her pause. She looked at his big fat gut, listened to his labored breathing and pitiful moaning. She was disgusted by the sight, but she still felt pity. _Man. You're all kinds of messed up, kid…and I don't like it. This is not the Finn I know and…um…tolerate._ For reasons atypical of her usual character (and ones that she didn't even fully understand, herself), she was resolved to help him. "Hey, Finn."

Finn lazily looked up from his bowl, "Que?"

"I've, uh… got a bit of a rodent infestation back in my cave. You wanna come and help me with it? Stretch your legs, and all?"

Finn looked at her, then at his bowl, then back at her, then at his bowl, and then back at her. "Naw. I'm good here."

"Too bad!" Marcy said with a smile, and she carried him off into the night sky.

"Hey! Put me down, Marceline!"

"Make me!"

"I said put me down! This is a total infraction of my rights to...um…not to be touched!"

"Tell somebody who cares, kid!"

"Put me down! Or I'll…I'll…I'll give you a stern talking to!"

"Ok! Whatever you say, hero!" In what seemed like a matter of seconds, the two made it to the mouth of Marcy's cave, and she tossed him haphazardly inside.

"Ow!" Finn shouted when landing on his side. "My love handles." He took one of his hip fats, and gave it a kiss and a hug. "I love you so much."

"Ya see, Finn," Marcy said. "I got a rodent problem, and I'm not letting you go until you help me fix it."

"Why? Can't you just use your Vampire powers to spook them out?"

"Yeah. I could do that, but I already got you here, and I don't think I can handle these kinda rats by myself."

Finned rose an eyebrow. "They're just rats, Marcy. How bad can they be?"

She shook her head. "Oh no, Finn, these guys aren't just normal rats." She pointed behind him.

Finn turned around to see an army of 10-foot-long rats, each astonishingly more horrifying than the last and each, verifiably, not normal rats at all. Finn shrieked in abject terror.

"SPOOORM! SPOOORM!" the rats roared in tandem, drowning out Finn's baby-like screams.

"Oh glob! Those rats are size-normous!"

"Exactly," Marcy said. "They keep eating my supply of Red Leicester. So…" She tossed Finn a large, whoopin' stick. "I need you to teach them a lesson."

"Uh…" was all Finn could muster before a rat leaped on him. He used all his strength to hold the stick in place, but with his one, flabby arm and almost an entire year without training, it was gonna be tricky. "Aaarrgh! Get off me, guy!"

"SPOOORM! SPOOORM!" The rat howled back at him through a mouthful of low-quality, semi-glossed hickory stick.

Marcy punched the rat away and gave Finn a disappointed look. "You're gonna need to do better than that to chase these rats away, kiddo." A rat jumped behind her, but she put it in a headlock, and then bonked it on the head, knocking it unconscious.

Finn looked on, marveling at the awesome display of Marcy going beast mode on the rats. He blushed. _Wow. I didn't know Marcy could kick so much butt._

Marcy tossed a limp rat body into an oncoming swarm of other rats before turning back to Finn. "Hey!"

"Huh?" Finn said, coming out of his trance.

"Where's that boy with the moves I used to know? He was WAY less of a wimp!"

Finn frowned. "I'm not a wimp!" He pulled himself up with the stick. "I'm…" He huffed. "I'm… _Huff…_ I'm _…Huff…_ I'm AWESOME!" He smacked a rat in the head, and it fell to the ground.

Marcy smiled and nodded. His old, Finny vigor was coming back. She was doing something right, it seemed. Dare she say, she felt ecstatic at the sight of his energy. "Great. Three down, two hundred and twenty-seven to go."

Finn beat his chest. "Bring 'em on!" He winced from self-inflicted pain. "Ow. My udder."

Marcy charged ahead, using her momentum to knock down several rats, while Finn ran with all his chubby, asthmatic might to catch up. Finn smacked a rat in the head, then kicked another in its ratty gut, and as he kept on fighting through the swarm, each strike seemed more deliberate and energetic than the last. Marcy grabbed a rat by its tail and used it as a flail to smack down several more rats, before throwing it to Finn, whose "incoming rodent" reflexes had long since suffocated under seventeen cases of non-dairy whipped topping.

"Oof!" Finn shouted. He pushed the unconscious rat off of him, panting from the effort. "Marcy!"

Marceline shrugged. "You need to work on your reflexes, bro." A rat came from behind her, but she tossed it over her shoulder to Finn. "Think fast."

Finn jumped to the side, and he gave a breathy laugh. "Hahaha! Still got it!" However, before he could celebrate, more rats piled on him (were they able to say anything besides horrifying, nonsensical rat noises, they likely would have told Finn that he did not, in fact, still have it).

"Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Rookie move, chubs," Marcy said. She shot a blast of telekinesis at the rats, sending them flying to the wall. She picked up Finn and brushed him off, making him blush. "Don't celebrate before gumble hits the fan, ok?"

Finn nodded. He was having more fun with this than he thought he would. "Right. Thanks, Marcy." As they spoke, however, the rats swarmed on Marcy in one big, disturbingly fluid mass. "MARCY!"

"Finn!" Marcy shouted, half-heartedly. "I…can't fight them...off…ow! Hey! Watch the hair! You need…to…save me…and junk!"

"B-But…" Finn mumbled, fearfully. "I can't fight them all off."

"Finn…they're tearing me apart…so hurry up… and save me….you big WEENIE!" Marcy disappeared under the mass of rats.

"Marcy! No! I'm…" Finn hesitated. He was scared, He was tired, he was fat and he was panting harder than the Writer on running day. But then, as he sat there, helplessly watching as the rats tore away at Marcy, something unrelated to cholesterol got his heart beating; the heart of a hero. The one he thought he lost from all the angst and chocolate ice cream. "I'm….I'm…I'M NOT A BIG WEENIE!" Finn jumped into the pile, smacking the rats with all his might. _Biff! Wham! Pow!_ He made each rat squeak in pain. He punched faces, bit tails, tickled armpits, and made each rat regret making him angry. Finn finally reached the final rat, the one on top of Marcy, and with his single hand, he held it by the scruff and looked deeply into its demonic eyes. "What's my name?!" He said, evilly.

"Um…" It said, fearfully. "Sporm?"

"Yer darn tootin'!" Finn head-butted it, breaking its bucked teeth and knocking it unconscious. As his blood rage died down, he focused again on finding Marceline. "Marcy!" He turned to see her, but the time he turned his head, he saw Marcy get up with torn clothes and a few scratches, but otherwise alright. He was very relieved and ran to her. "Marcy!"

"Not bad, hero," she said as she dusted herself off. "That was a good, solid 6.0."

Finn stopped himself when he noticed Marcy's midriff and bra were exposed. However, instead of instinctively holding his head down, Finn just stared at her for a moment, admiring her form. "Wow…"

"What was that, Finn?" Marcy asked.

Finn shook his head, and looked away, blushing. "Uh…n-nothing! I'm…uh…glad you're ok, Marcy."

Marcy lifted an eyebrow at that. "Uh…thanks." After another dust off, she floated closer to him. semi-excitedly. "Now, ya feel any better?"

Finn had to think about that for a moment. There was still that cloud of depression hanging over his head, and he still wasn't sure he was ready to talk to Jake, Bubblegum, and definitely not certain other thermodynamically-inclined princesses. But, at the very least he did feel a jolt…one he had not experienced in a good long while. He pinched his thumb and index finger together. "Eh…a little bit."

Marcy gave a sigh, disappointed that he wasn't nearly as happy as she wanted him to be. She put her hands on his shoulders, Finn blushing from the contact and her war-torn clothes. "Alright. Listen, kiddo. I can't stand seeing you like this. This sad, mopey…un-you you. And, I'll be honest, I really suck at trying to motivate people. Half the time, it takes all my effort not to call you or Jake weenies or an idiots. So, can you do me a favor?"

Finn felt a bit a warmth he had not experienced before with Marcy. He always liked her as a friend, as a fellow jam sessionee, and even pitied her for all the guff she went through. But now, he felt like they were actually become "friend-friends." He smiled. "Sure, Marcy. What is it?"

"Go talk to Jake and Bonnie," Marcy said with sincerity. "Sure, Jake might not be 'all there,' sometimes, and Bonnie can be a total…well…brain lord, to put it lightly…but those two actually care about you. Everyone in Ooo cares about you. I…" She stopped herself, trying not to say the thing that she knew in her heart. "Yeah." She coughed. "So, will you do that?"

Finn had spent so much time feeling sorry for himself that he hadn't really considered how he was making his friends feel. Even Marcy, the most selfish and closed-off person he knew, wanted him back the way he was. And if Marcy could show so much compassion, then Jake and Bubblegum certainly would, too. He smiled and teared up with joy. "Yeah, Marcy. I'll go talk to them."

Marcy gave a relieved smile. Her job was complete. The real Finn was back. "Good." She bent down to kiss him on the cheek. Finn's eyes widened as his heart fluttered and his mind became dazed. He felt a wave of euphoria wash over him, time seeming to slow down as he looked at Marcy's drop dead gorgeous face. "Now, get out."

"Wha…" Finn said, half-listening. But, before he could react, Marcy punted him out of her cave, cackling.

"Begone, mortal scum!" she hissed.

Finn simply nodded, not sure what exactly what he was feeling, but it felt so right. "Y-y-yeah…thanks, Marcy." He ran off, rubbing his recently-punted buttocks.

Marcy laughed until the boy was out of sight. "Had a feeling that would work. Just wish there wasn't so much of 'the feels.' That's stuff's totally gross…" Then her face softened. "And kinda infectious." She stuck out her tongue out at the sound of those words. "Yuck! What's wrong with me, tonight?" She turned her head when she heard the moans of the many battered and bruised rats. "Nice work, boys. Couldn't have done it better, myself."

"Sporm," a rat said, agitatedly, its teeth broken and falling to the floor like glass. It reached out a paw in anticipation. "Sporm, sporm."

"Yeah, yeah," Marceline said. "As promised…" She used her telekinesis to bring forth a giant block of cheese from behind a rock and dropped it right in front of them. "…one ton of Baby Swiss for a job well done."

"SPOOORM! SPOOORM!" The rats cheered in tandem.


	2. ATIB Part 2

**Second part of** _ **Attraction that is Blossoming.**_ **Sorry it took so long. This chapter was really hard to write, as I just didn't have a very good idea of how to continue it** _ **.**_ **I kinda wanted to end this story on the first chapter, but my bro wanted to see more, so here I am. :P A few things I failed to mention in the beginning of this or** _ **Jerkwad.**_ **I make a lot of references to other Finnceline stories as both a playful jab and a nod of appreciation for their inspiration to me. The name of this story is itself a parody of** _ **Love in Bloom**_ , **a Finnceline story I'm pretty sure doesn't exist, anymore. :'( I also make a lot of references to really obscure movies and memes from the internet. I'll leave you to guess what I reference throughout this little project. Also, if you see narration that's in the first person and is also bolded, italicized and parenthesized, it's a being known as the Narrator talking. He's a creepy fanboy of Finnceline who will appear in future projects of mine. He also mentions the Writer, the creator of the _Disgruntled Fanonverse_ (the alternate timeline of which these stories take place), and he too will appear in future projects. I also made a few adjustments to Chapter 1 to wear Bubblegum doesn't tell Finn what she made for him, so Finn doesn't know, anymore, about what he's getting. Lastly, sad to say, Marcy will not appear in this chapter. As much as I would love to write more fluff with her and Finn, this story is ultimately about Finn getting through his bumpassness, and I think Marcy has already played her part in his rehabilitation. Don't worry, though, she will be in the next (and hopefully last) chapter.**

* * *

ATIB Part 2:

 _ **(OMG, peeps! Is something gonna happen between Finn and Marcy?! I think there is! What else could happen in a Finnceline story?! Ya know, besides death by garlic rings and vicious impalement by bloodthirsty angels? What? I have to talk about those other peeps? But I don't want to! I want to talk more about Finn and Marcy! How can you call it a Finnceline story if you have those other charlatans?! Oh fine! But I better get a fanfic about me, really soon!)**_

As Finn approached his home, he looked up into the night sky, a look of penitence. "Billy, I…I don't know if you can really hear me or not, but I…I want to say I'm really sorry for all those things I said about you. I don't know if that was really you I saw in the clouds, or if Martin was really my dad, but whatever the case…I forgive you, and…I want to be a hero, again, and…I'm still your biggest fan."

"Ow-ee," the star from before said, still lying on the ground

"Oh. And sorry for hitting you with a bowl, guy," Finn said.

"It's ok. That place was way too crowded, anyway. Especially with that fat guy, hanging around."

"Hey!" the moon shouted. "I am not fat!"

Finn raised a brow at that. "The moon can talk? Huh. That's slightly off-putting." Finn took a moment to ponder the level of sapience the moon possessed before silently bowing his head down and closing his eyes in prayer for his dearly departed friend. With a powerful silence, a wave of peace rushed over him for the first time in a long while. Relieved, he smiled proudly to himself. "Ok. I feel good, now. And now, to talk to Jake."

Finn entered his and Jake's bedroom to find that his brother was still asleep. Finn wasted no time in rustling Jake's drool-covered jowls across the dog's face.

"Aaaah!" Jake shouted in confusion. "No, George Irving! I don't wanna hear about a bunch of sausages made out of people!" He shot a crusty-eyed glance at Finn, who had a big smile on his face. "Dude. What's going on? And why is your frowned turned upside down?"

"Hey, Jake," Finn said. "It's been too long but…" He gave Jake a hug. "I'm back, bro."

"Back?" Jake questioned. "Where did you go?"

"I didn't go anywhere…well yeah, I kinda did…against my will…but that's not the point. The point is, I'm back...the _real_ me is back." Finn pointed to his big ol' smile. "See? This is my 'real me' face."

Jake lifted an eyebrow. "Um… Did you get into a cactus fight with a face burglar, again?"

"No, dude! As in, I'm finally coming back to being an adventurer!"

Jake's mouth widened. "Really?!" He returned his brother's hug. "Dude! That's amazing!" He started tearing up and patted Finn affectionately on the head. "I thought I lost you for good, bro. I thought the bumpass had finally taken full effect."

"No bumpass can contain _me_ …not forever, at least. Sooner or later, I'm _bound_ to outgrow my bumpass! "

"I dunno, man. You've been contained in a metaphorically-ceramic jar of bumpass for almost a year. What made you finally outgrow it?"

"I'll tell you, later. But first…" Finn pulled out a crumpled piece of paper and a chewed-up pencil. "I need you to help me make a to-do list. If I want to become a great adventurer, again, I need to complete a list of all the requirements that will lead me down that path."

* * *

 _ **(The rest of the evening goes on pretty much like that: some lists, a few ill-fated pushup contests, and something about turning crow eggs into a protein shake. Boring as a snail's home equity loan, if you ask me! So I'm gonna skip over a few hours. Everyone in agreement? Ok, let's go: The next morning, across the Grasslands)**_

"Let me get this straight," Jake said. " _Marceline_ caused you to have an epiphany? As in, Marceline, the Self-Centered Harassment Machine?"

"Yeah," Finn said simply. "More or less."

"Hmm. Something seems really off, brother."

"Well, you did say that the kitchen's feng shui has been off since that last cactus fight with the face burglar."

"Oh… yeah," Jake mused, scratching his head. Then he remembered: "Wait! That's not the point! I mean something seems off about _Marcy_. That girl has never been sentimental with you, before. And then, she just decides to help cheer you up after nearly a year of you being a Dennis McDownInTheDumps?"

Finn shrugged. "Guess she knew when a sad Finn was a bad Finn. And now I'm a glad Finn." He chuckled at his own lame rhyme.

"Yeah," Jake said, doubtfully. "But, I think something else is afoot…or 'ahand', depending on the situation."

"Like what?" Finn asked.

Jake stroked his chin pensively for a moment before an alarming thought came to him. "Hey, wait a minute…Do you think Marcy likes you?"

"Of course she likes me, man," Finn pinched his own cheek. "I'm adorable."

"Naw, man," Jake said suggestively. "I mean 'like-likes' you. With a capital 'double-L.' Has 'a thing' for you, with a capital 'a thing.'"

Finn rasberried until his tongue was bone dry. "Dude! That's just plain goofers. Marcy and me are just friends. She ain't never had a capital 'a thing' for me, and I ain't never had a capital 'double-L' for her, and that's just the way our dynamic works. And plus, she's WAAAAY too old, for me."

"I dunno, man," Jake chuckled. "Stranger things have happened, and people have had stranger things for stranger people. Had you asked me forty years ago if I would end up in a long-term relationship with a Rainicorn, I probably would have just looked at you with my metaphysical cosmic nothingness, being as neither of us existed, forty years ago. I'm not saying it wouldn't be weird, but there's totes nothing in the big book of being alive that says Marcy can't have a thing for you."

"Pee-shaw," Finn retorted, dismissively. However, the conversation had gotten him thinking about the night before. He definitely felt way different about her. Way, way different. The fighting, the caring, the sexy and torn clothing? What was going on here? _No way. She doesn't, does she? And I don't, do I?_ He shook his head, quickly dismissing the idea. "Whatever, dude. Can you hold the to-do list for me?"

"Sure thing, bro."

As Jake held the paper, Finn started writing on it. "Let's see; did twenty pushups? Check. Man that was really hard, especially with just one arm."

"Dude," Jake interjected. "You could barely get twenty with both arms."

"Shut up, bro." Finn said, embarrassed, and shifted the conversation. "Let's see… Ok. Make an altar for Billy and give him an offering of a half-eaten donut and jar of honey mustard? Check."

"I helped with that." Jake mumbled with a mouth full of the other half of the donut (which, he only very recently remembered, had been in the pouch of elastic haunch skin that he called a back pocket).

"Hehehe!" Finn chuckled. "Check! What's next? Ooh! Save a small family of Bug People, then work our way up to saving a family of Mouse People, then work our way up to saving a family of Raccoons, a family of Wolves, a family of Harpies, a family of Mammoths, and finally, save a family of Giant, Island-Bearing Sea Turtles. Ya know, gotta work up all my heroism one tiny step at a time."

"Ah man," Jake whined. "I totally forgot we agreed to that. I hate when we come up with stuff, late at night. Half my brain is asleep, by then. That's gonna take all day. I mean, Bug People I get, Mouse People I get, and every other creature you mentioned that lives in a temperate forest biome, but Harpies and Mammoths? We'd need some loud, clangy shields and some very important ingredients, respectively, to get those kinda things out in the open. And Giant, Island-Bearing Sea Turtleseseses...?" He looked more closely at the writing, which looked more chicken-scratchy than the rest of the list. "Kinda looks like you added that at the last moment." They stared at each other for a moment. "Ah, junk! That's just some bing-dingus you made up on the spot, isn't it?

Finn shrugged. "I dunno, man. I mean, there could be some Giant, Island-Bearing Sea Turtles floating out in space somewhere. You don't know."

"I know that you're full of it," Jake retorted. But then Finn held his head down in disappointment, and Jake changed his tune. "Ah, alright, man. Soon as we're done with everything else, we'll try and find some giant, Island-Bearing, Sea-Turtle...esses…Turtle-I."

"Yaaaaay," Finn said, shaking his arm in a falsetto voice. "Ok. But, first…" He squished his fingers together. "Start small. Now, where is that Bug family…?"

As if on cue, a family of bugs ran by, being chased by an army of tribal Gingerbread People with spears.

"Help! Help!" The Bug family said in tandem. "We're being assailed!"

"Um…" Jake began, as the two parties ran in tiny circles around them, "That's super convenient for us, and all, but…"

"And we didn't do anything openly hostile or ill-tempered to warrant it!" the Bug family finished.

"Huzzah-mageddon!" Finn shrieked, stomping on one of the gingerbread warriors. "Don't worry, Bug Family!" Finn said, stomping on a few more. "It's Adventure Time!"

* * *

 _ **(Oh my glob! Are we still on this segment? Seriously, who gives a bee's gusto about action in these stories? Get to the meat! The nice, juicy, scrumptious meat! Ya know what? Here. Scene transition to 5 hours later, near the walls of the Candy Kingdom, on the back of a Giant, Island-bearing Sea Turtle. Cripes! You're a bore, Writer! Get a hobby, or a girlfriend, or something!)**_

"Huh," Jake said, puzzled by Finn's discovery. "I guess Giant, Island-Bearing Sea Turtles do exist. And they can fly."

"Told ya so," Finn said smugly. He looked down at their ride. "Thanks for the lift, Sheldon."

"You are very welcome, Finn," The Sea Turtle, humorously (and uncreatively) named Sheldon replied in a soft, somber tone. "Were it not for you, mygarden would have been ravaged by that cruel and wicked army of spider clowns. As a reward, you may partake of the fruits that lie upon my carapace."

"Alright!" Finn and Jake shouted, excitedy. Finn took a bunch of grapes from a nearby vine while Jake took an orange from a tree and started cutting it to pieces with a knife-hand.

"Look upon the horizon," the Sea Turtle said, pointing his flipper. "We have arrived at your destination. He stopped at the gates of the walls surrounding the Candy Kingdom, and lowered his flipper for Finn and Jake to walk off of.

"Awesome!" Finn said. "Thanks again, Sheldon!"

"Fare thee well, Finn and Jake," The Turtle said. "I shall come for your souls at the end of time."

"Huh," Finn said, simply, as Sheldon floated away. "That's creepy." He wrote down on the to-list. "Check."

"Alright, bro," Jake said. "We're at Candy Kingdom, the final stage of bumpassness control. Ya think ya got it?"

Finn took a moment to think it over, then nodded. "Yeah dude! Let's meet and greet." He and Jake walked over to the gate of the Candy Kingdom and waved to the Banana Guards. "S'up guys?"

"Hi, Finn," one guard said.

"Glad to see you're not in an existential crisis, anymore," said the other.

"Hehehe. Thanks, me too," replied Finn. "Can you guys open the gates, please?"

"Sure. People are really excited to see you, Finn."

Finn's eyes widened. "They...they are?"

"Yeah!" the guard turned his attention to the gate keeper. "Hey, Joe, open the gates!"

And with that, the gates open to reveal most of the inhabitants of the Candy waving at Finn and cheering. Finn's eyes and mouth widened at the sight. He gave a deep breath, a big smile, and greeted all the Candy People with warmth, beginning with Ol' Starchy, who stood front and center. "S'up Starchy!"

"Hello there, Finn," greeted Starchy in his friendly, Southern drawl. "Ol' Starchy was just about to take your measurements to build you a casket. Good thing it won't come to that, eh? Hehehe."

"Uuuh….yeah. Right," He quickly turned his attention to another familiar face. Or rather torso, wrapper, thingy. _**(Speaking of, why is it that Bubblegum is the only one that looks like a Human? Is it for fan service? Yeah. Definitely fan service.)**_ "Hey, Mr. Cupcake!"

"Greetings, Finn!" Mr. Cupcake said, gentlemanly. "Um, might I suggested getting some…um…" He pointed to Finn's chubby gut. "Abdominal workouts in with me, in your spare time?"

"Definitely!" Finn said. "Your choco-abs are the best!"

"Hmph," Jake scoffed, "That's what Lady always says."

"Shushers!" Finn said. He continued on, waving as much as his flabby arm would allow. "Hi, Taffy Girl, Hi Lollipop Lass, hi…uh…"

"Warhead Warren," A sad-looking, circular man with green skin and puckered lips.

"Oh…uh…yeah!" Finn didn't mean to be so rude, but with all these background characters _**(and characters specifically created for this lame joke)**_ in the mix, it was gonna be hard to meet-and-greet with any real sincerity. So, he just kept up with his smiling and hand-wavy goodness. "Hi! Hi there! Oh hi! What's new with you? Hi! Hi! Hi!"

 _ **(*Snores Loudly* Huh? Wha? Oh Glob! We're still here on this section? Come on, man! You know this is super boring as helps! And I don't care what your brother says! You're writing this chapter for Bubblegum and the robot arm! What? You want that to be a surprise? You already told them in the first chapter and then the author's notes! And it doesn't matter if you edited it out later on, people already saw it and reviewed it! That, and you're already suffering from writer's block, so quit wasting our time and just get to the point!)**_

After an hour's worth of "hi-ing" and "hand-waving", Finn and Jake heavily panted.

"Woo!" Jake said. "My greetin' membrane is supercooked, bro."

"Yeah," Finn said. "Mine too." He raised his arm up in triumph, which appeared to be beefy. "But, on the bright side, my waving muscles feel like they doubled in size." However, the beefcake arm soon transformed back in into a pancake arm, and he sighed. "Meh. Never mind." He pulled out his pencil, and Jake pulled out the list. "Ok, say hi to everybody on my way here?"

"You didn't say hi to _me_ ," Jake said, sadly.

"Oh," Finn chuckled. "Hi, Jake!"

Jake giggled. "Hi, Finn!"

"Check. Alrighty. Next thing is to go to the Candy Castle and talk to Bubblegum." He looked up at the top of the castle, a little more nervous than he intended. He gulped. "I guess that's next."

"It's ok, bro," Jake said, reassuringly patting Finn's shoulder. "You got this. Peebles and you are friends. Remember that."

Finn nodded, half-heartedly. "Y-yeah, man. Wish me luck."

 _ **(Ooh! Sultriness! I thrive on mildly-uncomfortable conflict!)**_

Bubblegum sat at her workbench with some wires connected to both her head and to a shoulder of a prosthetic arm, making sure that it would work when Finn got there. Judging by the amount of chatter outside, it would seem that moment would come sooner rather than later. "Ok, PB," She said to herself in a calm but hurried tone. "You're almost there." She really wanted to have had this done sooner, but with her being a ruler (not to mention the unfortunate circumstance of Cinnamon Bun returning from the Fire Kingdom as a peace offering by Flame Princess and having to prepare him a "Welcome Home" sandwich), she just didn't have the time. She wanted the arm to be at least 99.75% perfect. She owed Finn that much. "Just a few more adjustments. Let's see…" She made the hand move with a thought, making it grasp and rotate. "…Dexterity looks good…" _He'll like it. Won't he? Finn always likes gyroscopic things. He's like a mouse on a wheel._ As her incredible mind clashed with her equally incredible (albeit quite pragmatic) heart, she then made the arm bend up and down, side to side, and even point backwards and forwards. "… Joints are fully articulate…" _He's not still mad at me, right? I mean, Finn never stays mad, forever. I just know it. I've calculated this scenario in my head, thirty-six dozen times. And_ _surely he understands, at this point, that I never meant to hurt him._ A tear came down Bubblegum's face as a wave of doubt and guilt fell on her. _Finn, please forgive me. I won't be able to look you in the eye if you don't forgive me. I only wanted what was best for you...and for me._ However, with an iron will, she closed off her emotions long enough to finish the final parts of the arm. "Done! Now for one, final test." She pulled out a flamethrower from under the bench and engulfed the arm in fire, before blowing it out with a fire extinguisher. It remained unscathed. "Durability is flawless!" She held up the arm in victory. "Booyah, sucka!"

"Your highness," Peppermint Butler called from the door, startling Bubblegum enough to make her drop the arm. "Master Finn is here to see you."

"Thank you, Peppermint Butler," she called back. "One moment!" She picked up the arm and hid it under the bench. "Ok! Send him in!"

"Go ahead, Master Finn,"

Finn walked in with the most sincere smile he could muster. "H-hey, Princess," He mumbled. "Long time, no see."

"Hey, Finn" Bubblegum answered, equally uncomfortable, but with as much restraint as she could muster. "Yes, it's been…too long." _He's here,_ she thought. _My calculations must have been right…He will forgive me...I hope._

The two stood in silence, for a while. Finn certainly wasn't consciously making it uncomfortable, but their history was one of such discomforts, well-meaning though they generally were. _Come on, Finn. Remember what Jake and Marcy said._ "Um…but yeah!" he finally said, forcing his words out. "I'm…I'm here for that important business you needed me for, and…and, and, and…I'm also coming back…to being yours and everybody else's hero!"

 _Yes! Called it!_ Bubblegum had a feeling that Finn would eventually come out of his bumpass state, as her calculations of bumpassness (or the Laws of Bumpology, as she would call it, if and when she could publish a book on her research) were almost always correct, but was still relieved that the day had finally come when she could see an old friend be himself, again, and, more specifically, not greet her with venom on his tongue. "Finn! That's wonderful!" she beamed, and threw her arms around him in a hug, in spite of herself.

Finn blushed, not really expecting that. She never hugged him so sincerely. Not in a while, at least. And yet, in the moment, it hardly seemed to matter. Regardless of everything that had happened over the past year, it lifted Finn's spirits to know that, while she may never like-like him, Bubblegum had never stopped caring about him. "Thanks, PB. So…um…what sorta business do we need to discuss?"

"Well, I've been working on something, for you," Bubblegum said, with a calm but excited attitude. "I've been waiting for months to finally give it to you. So, close your eyes, and wait right here."

This made Finn brighten up a bit. "Ok. Eyes shutting in 3…2…1" He closed his eyes, but his knees went up and down like an excitable, little boy. "Can I open my eyes, now, PB?"

"Hold on, silly," Bubblegum giggled. "Ok. Open them up!"

Finn's eyes widened with wonder and joy as he saw the grey, metallic appendage. "Rhomboidal! Thanks PB! It's just like I've always wanted/dreamed/contemplated murder over…erm…murder of something evil, of course."

"I knew you'd like it," Bubblegum mused. "I perfected it just before you arrived. This arm is 27. 8% more durable and flexible than your old arm, and should be an effective multi-tool whenever you go out adventuring."

Finn squeed and jumped in joy. "This is so cool! Thanks, PB! Can I try it on, now! Please! Please! Please!"

"Um…" Bubblegum hesitated. "Well, there is a catch to this, Finn."

"Ah, man!" Finn said. "I have to pay you a royalty to use this thing on the reg, don't I? Come on, Peebles, I don't gots no money...I spent it all on snacks…"

Bubblegum giggled. "No! No! No money! It's a little more personal than that. You know that flower growing out of your stump?"

"Yeah," Finn said. "It really does cramp my credibility as a warrior… But hey! I've learned how to do _this!_ " He strained for a moment before the flower wiggled lazily. Finn smiled widely at his disturbing new trick.

"Yes, well…" Bubblegum coughed in moderate disgust. "That actually leads me to my point. You see, the reason you're able to make the flower move is because the flower is actually rooted deep into your shoulder. So, in order to attach your new arm, I have to get rid of the rest of the old one through a highly invasive surgical procedure."

Finn pondered this. "Is that gonna hurt?"

"Well, not after I pump you full of morphine, it won't."

"What's a 'Moor-Fiend?' Is that a close cousin of a Grass Ogre? 'Cause those guys suck."

Bubblegum giggled a little. "I'll tell you on the way to the operating table."

 _ **(Full artistic disclosure: I am DEFINITELY a licensed shoulder surgeon and know the ins-and-outs of… um… shoulders. All the… meats. And bones. And… uh… some stuff that would definitely be inedible, even if push came to shove. However, shoulder surgery-ing is a grisly procedure, to say the least, and one that takes a solid two hours to complete. So, in the interest of sparing my readers the undue sensationalism of pulling roots out of a person's shoulder-bits and replacing said shoulder bits with a robotic appendage, let's skip ahead.)**_

Finn's was just opening his eyes, but his vision remained blurry. "Wha…Jake…what happened?"

"It's ok, bro," Jake said. "I'm here."

"J-Jake?" Finn murmured. "Did it…"

"Yes, Finn," Bubblegum said. "The procedure was a success."

"Wha…really?" His vision was coming back to him, and he turned his head right. He noticed that the stump was gone, and in its place was the circular elbow joint of his new, robotic arm.

"Go ahead, Finn," Bubblegum said. "Try it out. But slowly. We don't want to risk an injury."

Cautiously, Finn lifted his arm up. Then, with more vigor, he moved it side to side. Finally, looking at his caliper-like hand, he made it spin in a perfect circle. "Hehehehe! This is awesome!"

"I knew you'd like it," Bubblegum said, happily. "After you rest for a couple of days, you can take it on a test run…"

"Nuts to that!" Finn interrupted. "I want to try it, now!" He tried to get up, But Jake held him back down.

"Woah, dude!" Jake begged. "Calm down! You got to relax. You're not ready to go out and punch monsters with that thing, just yet."

"But I'm ready as I've ever been, Jake. I'm tired of napping! I wanna go adventuring, now!"

"Finn, please," Bubblegum implored, calmly. "I know you're excited, but this procedure was very taxing on your body." She put a hand to his shoulder. "Please. I know what I'm doing. And I just want what's best for you."

This made Finn feel a variety of fuzzies, again, remembering once more that he still had the best friends in the world. He smiled and nodded. "Ok, PB, I'll give it a few days."

She smiled. "Thank you, Finn." She put a soft, pink hand in his robot one. "I'm glad you came back to us."

"Thanks, PB," Finn smiled back. "It's good to be back." He looked to his brother, who, as if he had read his very thoughts, pulled out the pencil and to-do list, and waited for Finn to give him the order. Finn smiled and nodded, and Jake returned it in kind.

"Check, "Jake said.


	3. ATIB Part 3

**I'm super sorry for updating so late, guys. This chapter was super challenging to write, my birthday was on the June the 2nd, my brother's birthday was on June the 14th, my brother and I had to do a lot of edits, and now my brother is getting married, tomorrow. And, if I'm being completely honest, these stories are so taxing to write that I need a bunch of days to unwind. Don't get me wrong! I really enjoy writing, but it can get a little overwhelming, ya know, especially when you want it to be super good. And, y'all are gonna prolly hate me for this, as I did promise to have Finn and Marcy fluff in the last chapter, but this chapter is gonna be Marcy only (plus her dog). I felt this section was so good on its own (if I do say so myself…ok, half of it is so good because of my brother's editing), that trying to make it part of the final chapter wouldn't do it justice. Think of it as seeing how Marcy deals with depression versus how Finn deals with depression. Don't worry, the final chapter will be far less dour, and you will finally get the Finnceline fluff you've always wanted. Again, sorry for taking so long, and thank you so much for your support and patience!**

* * *

 **ATIB Part 3**

 ** _(OMG, peeps! Finally a chapter about Marcy; The most prettiest, most complicated, most perfectest, most best girl, ever! You know this chapter is just gonna be so full of drama and the feels! And it will show why Marcy is the perfect girlfriend for Finn and not that those two hussies, "Bubbledumb" and "Lame Princess!" What? Whaddya mean I'm not allowed to insult those two? How can we call ourselves Finnceline shippers if we don't make fun of the other shipping communities for having different opinions to us? Fine! I won't insult them. Just so long as you don't make Finn end up with either of those two *shutters* "lovely ladies", I guess it's no skin off my back….Glob, I feel so dirty. So, here we are, five days after the last chapter…that is, chronologically speaking.)_**

Marceline floated from her kitchen to her thinking chair, with her pet Zombie Poodle, Schwabl, lying down, lazily, on the carpet just next to it. She held a Salmon covered in strawberry jam. Disgusting? Yes. The Queen herself didn't like the stuff, but every time she felt a little lost or confused, she compulsively took a Salmon right out of the pond in her cave and then lathered it in strawberry jam. For reasons she could neither explain nor fully defend, in good conscience, the pure red tang of strawberries and the salmon-colored…um…Salmon, combined into a bittersweet sense of harmony. For the past five days, she desperately tried to ignore the little voice in the back of her mind, but it just kept clawing at her, so Marcy had to suck the Salmon **_(Is… is that considered lemon, peeps? Really. I'm asking)_**. She took only a single sip of red from the dead fish, choking miserably on the flavor for a moment before relaxing into a soothing calm. If ever there was a time to be soothed, it was now.

"What's gotten into me?" Marcy asked herself, taking another sip-'n'-cringe. "I take one moment to actually give a crap about this kid, and now I'm starting to feel all schmaltzy?" _Sip. Cringe._ "I mean, it's not like I _haven't_ thought about it, it's just…I guess I never thought it would involve all the feels." Indeed, for a good long while, Marcy had seen Finn as a potential boyfriend, sometime down the road, but, with three hundred-eighty six poop-doopy boyfriends and girlfriends, a single failed marriage, and the many fwep-ups she'd made as Finn's "friend" **_(When you attempt to eat your own friends out of some primal hunger, than I would definitely be a little hesitant about asking you over for dinner…pun kinda sorta intended)_** , she figured that such a possibility had already gone down the drain, years ago. "And yet, he's forgiven me for everything I've done to him." Marcy sniffed as apathetically as possible to choke back the emotions. "He really is a great friend."

Marcy gagged, and not from the strange food, this time. "Ugh! Come on, you're making me sick!" she groaned to herself. "You're 'Marceline the _Vampire Queen_ , remember? The Queen of Mean who's gotta keep up her rep." But, in spite of herself, her ego began to deflate as quickly as it had arisen. She sighed, sipped, and gagged. "Who am I kidding? I still look like a sap in front of him."

Marcy thought about her embarrassing moments of weakness, her more emotional side, her not-so-secret past, all of which had long since been exposed, despite her best efforts to conceal them. Finn, Jake, Bonnie, Simon, her dad: they could all see it, especially Finn. He was the first real friend to look past her tough exterior, in a long while, and the first friend she actually had a heart-to-heart with in over a century.

"But, Finn, you're just so fun, so happy,so…so…uncomplicated." Finn really was a dopey, unassuming ray of positivity in her life uncorrupted by cynicism and fatalistic negativity. He may have had his dour moments like everyone else, but, otherwise, Finn was just a bombastic, mild-to-moderately stupid silver lining that made her realize that the world wasn't completely bogus **_(Excuse my language *sniffle*; sappy writing really gets me in the gleeok, peeps *sniffle*)_**. "And then I saw you like that. Being all depressed, and fat, and…crying..." It made Marceline tear up, again. "That's not the Finn I know and…and…" She tossed the Salmon across the room into a wall, and then the tears came. "Glob! Why'd you have to show me that, ya big dummy! I just said how you weren't so complicated!"

Marcy didn't want to feel this way, namely because she didn't fully understand what she was feeling. She wanted, desperately, for Finn just to be another mortal in her life she could torture then throw away just as easily. But, she couldn't. Despite her best efforts, Finn was more than that. He and Jake were some of the best friends she ever had. They appreciated her, unconditionally. "Why would they care about me? I don't deserve that kinda friendship! I keep letting them down! I'm horrible!" As she continued to cry, Schwabl, perked an ear up, and hurried to his master's foot, licking it in comfort. Marcy took notice of the small pile of fluff. "Schwabl?" She gave a smile and picked up the Dog in a loving embrace. "Aw, Schwabl. I always forget about you." _**(As does everyone else, am I right?)**_ She didn't mean to be so negligible to her only real roomie (Not including the Opossums, Bats, and Gila Monsters roaming around her cave and, more annoyingly, her garbage), but since he was basically immortal, needed no nourishment, and was quiet as a sand mouse, she often just didn't think about him. But, when she did take notice, she took some solace in his presence.

She sat aimlessly stroking Schwabl's papery mummy skin, hoping that the pitiful creature's presence alone would open some door of perception that would give her some moment of epiphany. "What am I gonna do, old man?" she sighed to the dog. "I kinda want to give a try…and yet, I kinda don't. I haven't dated anyone in over a century, but I kinda like Finn, but…what if he's not interested? What if he still wants Bonnie or that flame chick?" She huffed and spread out over the carpet in exhaustion as she weighed the options out with little relish or, indeed, even clear cognizance.

"Date Finn, get a pretty cool boyfriend who likes me for who I am, and with this pairing, come up with more songs for my upcoming album. Don't date Finn, yet another chapter of loneliness in the ongoing Marceline Saga, even more depressing thoughts about the 'shoulda, coulda, woulda,' and an extreme build up a bunch of frustration that might make me explode, figuratively speaking… or literally, if red beans and rice is involved." Sighing, she floated off the carpet, casually dumping a dusty and carefree Schwabl onto the ground. Unfazed, the Dog yawned a few teeth out of his mouth as Marcy grabbed up her bass guitar. "At least I know I'll always have _you_ , good buddy," she smirked as she gently twisted the pegs at the head. Schwabl grumbled, giving Marcy a good chuckle. "And _you_ , my undead stick in the mud," she finished, grabbing up the remnants of her earlier meal and dangling it in front of Schwabl. He may not have needed nourishment, but he was still a Dog, and, other than chasing zombie squirrels, of course, eating was his favorite pastime. Happily, Schwabl grabbed up the now grey, jerky-like salmon steak and gnawed on it silently.

Throwing her head back and taking in a deep breath, Marcy started to strum a few notes, figuring out the pitch that she would sing. After a few practice rounds, she decided to go for it.

 _Marceline, what do you think you should do?_

 _Should you on act on your instincts, or should your like-like follow through?_

 _Marceline, do you think it's really worth it?_

 _Or do you really think that Finn's just the bottomless pit?_

 _Well, I don't know what my unlife may bring_

 _Seems like this is just another stupid thing_

 _But it feels so right_

 _And despite all my might,_

 _I can't seem to resist this feeling_

 _Glob! My heart, it really seems to sting_

 _Is that good, or that bad?_

 _What would I do if I were to tell my dad?_

 _I just want to convince myself that it's a bad idea_

 _But the more I think about, I feel like my words are…um…onomatopoeias_

 _Glob! This song really, really freaking sucks_

 _But, in a way, it actually feels like good luck_

 _For better or for much worse,_

 _I think I'll answer my question in this final verse_

 _Sure, Marceline, give it a shot_

 _Make sure Finn thinks you're really, really hot_

 _Sooner or later, he's bound to take notice_

 _Like a…walrus on fire in the shape of a lotus *strum* *strum* *strum*_

Marcy gave a sigh of relief. "Ok. I feel much better now." She smiled, satisfied, and tucked the ol' axe back into its perch as the faintest slivers of powdery blue light of morning began to come through the deep dark of night. She glanced at the clock to find that her existential crisis had gone on for far longer than she realized, but felt a sense of triumph at having gotten through it on her own-and-a-half (she wasn't too proud to count the company of a Zombie Dog as extra assistance in tackling one's own identity challenges)

"You know, he's probably too young for me, right now, anyway," she mused, floating around the house pensively. "He's, what, fifteen or sixteen? Seems just like yesterday that I kicked him and Jake out of their home." Marcy never kept tabs on her friends' birthdays. Heck, she had trouble remembering her own birthday. But if she had to guess, judging by the looks of his face and the amount of huskiness in his voice, she would guess that he was sixteen, at most. "If that's the case, then I guess I'm gonna have to wait awhile. I don't date guys under eighteen. That's just creepy and gross. I can wait."

With some pep back in her float, Marcy confidently went about her bedtime routine, deciding that one existential crisis was enough for one night. She showered, brushed her teeth, and slipped into bed, plucking Schwabl and his new, half-eaten treat up onto the mattress with her. As she slipped off into sleep, she was confident that she would wake up that night refreshed, energetic, and…

 _You know, though, you may live forever, but Finn definitely won't._

And as quickly as it had come, her sense of peace faded out like the last vestiges of the purple night. She groaned and smooshed her face with her pillow.


	4. ATIB Part 4

**Sorry, again, for the delay, folks. My editor has been busy trying to find a house with his new wife, and we've been discussing how exactly this story should continue and how it will ultimately connect to** _ **Jerkwad.**_ **After much deliberation, we decided that I should finish up this story with one more chapter after this, so I can better spread out my ideas (including the Finnceline fluff you've been teased with for so long ;) ), and to better bridge the gap between this story and** _ **Jerkwad**_ **, we need to make some heavy revisions, even if the chapters are already posted. I know it seems strange, but unlike a lot of fanfic writers, I'm not content to leave stories as they are, as there is always room to fix errors, be they grammatical or plot relevant, and considering that allows you to edit and replace old chapters, I figured it would be good to take the opportunity. Ya see, I really want these stories to be good, and I know this may make me sound incredibly arrogant, but I'm not content to write Finnceline stories that are just a collection of shorts with fluff and schmaltz in them without much depth. Now, don't get me wrong! I do really like that kinda stuff, and I occasionally find myself enamored by those kinda stories! It's just I don't think that's what Finnceline should** _ **only**_ **be. I want to create a fully realized universe/alternate timeline with multiple stories detailing the life of Finn and Marcy as a couple, as they grow together, and see how they affect each other, in the long run. To be fair, however, it's kind of unfair to say how Finnceline should be written, as most of it (that is, almost all of it) is based on speculation, so theoretically, there is no wrong way to write this shipping. But, as with any good story, I think it will take a lot of time and effort to make a Finnceline saga that truly stands out. Speaking of, this project will likely last me several years, and if you're not too keen on the idea of me creating a Finnceline epic, that's fine, and I won't blame you one iota if you wish to quit reading my stuff. However, if you're willing to sit through this with me to the bitter end, I assure you that, in one year or ten, I'll put my heart and soul into this project. But enough of my rambling, let's begin, shall we? :D**

* * *

ATIB Part 4

 _ **(*Sniffles* Oh Marcy! That song was so beautiful! Almost as beautiful as you are! Don't you worry, dear! Just one more story, and you and Finn will be one big happy couple! Until then, we'll just have to sit through more of this boring filler. Here we are, a few hours, later, at Finn and Jake's place)**_

Finally! After five days in the hospital, it was time for Finn to go on another adventure. Sure, five days doesn't sound so long, to you, but when you're a hero whose heart is full of excitement and energy, five days might as well be five years _**(and, I mean, installing a robotic arm into your shoulder socket shouldn't require**_ _ **that**_ _ **much physical therapy, right? Right)**_. Rumors on the _Adventurers With Recently-Installed Robot Prosthetics_ chat rooms told of a new, semi-magical weapon on top of Skull Mountain, and Finn was adamant (through many less-than-PG-rated rants online) that he would be the one to find it. As Jake prepared the food and water for their journey, Finn set to work gathering all the equipment that they would need. He rummaged around closets, under mattresses, in inappropriate places, and in sock drawers, stuffing everything he could into his trusty backpack, before realizing that there was a key element of his whole aesthetic that was missing.

"Yo, dawg!" Finn called to a spaghetti-ready Jake. "Heh heh. Get it? 'Cause you're a dog?"

Jake squirmed in disgust. "I feel like that's an inappropriately overused joke," he called back. "Whaddya want, anyway?"

"You noticed that we're about one sword short of being with-sword, in this house?" Finn said as he walked into the kitchen, presenting his opened adventure pack to Jake. "How come in this house of adventurers, we ain't got no dang adventurers' gear?"

"Dude," Jake scoffed. "I can clearly see four crossbows, two knives with the words 'extra sharp' written on them, seven packets of black powder and a six-year-old can of tuna fish in your bag. How many weapons do you really need?"

"Backups, my dude," Finn responded, shuffling around the kitchen looking for an answer to his problem "And besides, it's about quality, not quantity, homes. If Ima go back being an adventurer, Ima do it in the _right_ way. And that means havin' me a good, quality slab o' meat-mincin' sword business." As he said this, he stumbled upon the kitchen broom, and his eyes widened, his brain churning out a questionable idea.

"I thought the whole point of this adventure _was_ to get you a sword?" Jake puzzled.

"Shushushushushush!" Finn hissed. "I have a _probably_ great idea!" At this, he snapped the broom off its handle and hustled out of the room with it.

"Hey! That's the only broom in the dang ol' house!" Jake called after him, fruitlessly. "Eh… You know what? He's happy, I'm happy. We're fine. It's… it's fine."

Finn, always exceptional in his lack of judgment or discernment, set to work crafting the broom handle (universally recognized as the worst material for building swords) into a fine blade. Normal people might have used one of Finn's two "extra sharp" knives to whittle the wood down, but Finn, ever-exuberant, began gnawing an edge into the broom with his teeth. As he chewed, he wandered over to the shelf by the couch and grabbed a battered old locket from the dust and Spider corpses. He plopped down on the couch and opened the locket, where he kept a picture of Joshua and Margaret, his _real_ parents. He smiled, and wave of nostalgia came across him.

"That's right, old-timers," he said, wiping away a tear and spitting out pulpy slivers of wood, "Ya'lls are my _real_ parents." In much too short of a span of time, Finn finished his project and stopped to admire his project for a very short moment (lest he risk weeping at its "magnificence"). It wasn't much for sharpness, his new sword, but it could certainly give someone a case of the splinters. And besides, it was a sword, the centerpiece of every good adventurer's arsenal.

Satisfied, he sheathed his sword on his back and turned back to the locket. "Alright! You two ready to roll?" he asked them.

Of course, lockets don't actually talk (not unless they were secretly Locket Fairies lying in wait for nearby prey to walk on by), but in his head, Finn could hear his father say, "Sure thing, sport. Just let me go get my adventure boots, and we'll give evil what-for!"

Meanwhile his mom would go, "Oh no, Finn. You're still much too young to go adventuring. You might get bruised or catch a cold." And then Joshua and Margaret would get into a "Mom-and-Dad" talk, which would escalate into an argument, which would lead to Mom and Dad reconciling via "adult therapy" behind closed doors _**(Ooh! Idealized recollections of Joshua and Margaret! You dogs! Tee-hee. Do you get it?).**_

A tear rolled down Finn's face, both out of remembrance of the good ol' days when they were both still alive, and the sad realization that he risked his life to find his supposed "real" father, who had abandoned him all those years ago. Finn never wanted to see Martin, again, nor was he particularly keen on trying to continue his search for other Humans. At least, not at the moment. As far as he was concerned, the title of "Human" was uniquely his own, and he was content with that. _**(I mean, sure, there's still Susan Strong and Betty…but um…shut up! No one gives a rat's uncle about those two!)**_ "I love you guys," Finn sniffled. Content with his renewed sense of identity, he smiled and defiantly put Martin behind him. He kissed the locket, bumped "fists" with it, and then put it around his neck and under his shirt.

"You almost ready bro?" Jake called from the kitchen.

"Yeah, dude! Ready when you are!"

"Ok! Just gotta cut up the Octopus, and we'll be ready for…Oh my Glob! It's still alive! Die! Die, you crazy cephalo-goon! Taste my meat-tenderizer of tenderness! Niargh! Niargh! Niargh!" Finn, ever aware of Jake's intensely methodic stance on the art of cooking, stayed back, nonplussed, cautiously letting Jake do his thing _**(and saving lazy writers from having to write a decent action sequence...yes I know what I said in Chapter 2! But what are the chances the readers even remember that? Don't play mind games with me, boy! I'm a professor of brainology!)**_ **.**

"Um… you good, Jake, or..?" Finn called to him. "I could come help, or something."

"Nah, nah!" Jake called back amid loud smashing noises. "Some lower life forms just don't know" _smash_ "when their octogooses" _smash_ "are cooked!" _Smash smash smash!_ Things went silent, and Jake walked out the kitchen, panting and carrying two containers of food. "I'm ok. I'm ok." He wiped a bead of sweat from his head. "Ok. I'm ready."

"Huh…" Finn said, flatly. "I didn't think you ate Octopus."

"Only during special occasions…starting today." Jake shook his fist. "They've had it good for too long!"

Finn just stared at him. "Huh…gross."

"Now, you ready to go to Skull Mountain to get a new rad sword, bro?!"

"Heck yeah, man! I'm ready to cut down evil!" Finn brandished his newly-minted, still-drool-soaked broom sword. "Or, barring that, give evil a one-on-several exclusive interview with some splinters!"

"Well then, let's get going!" They started for the door, but a supple, Vampire-shaped thought popped obtrusively into Finn's head, and he grabbed Jake's tail to drag them both to a halt.

" _Wait!"_ he cried, massaging his forehead as he worked out the think. Jake stretched out toward the exit for another few feet before digging his paws into the ground to stop himself.

"What the dingus?" Jake huffed as he licked his carpet-burned feet. "Wait for what? There's a sword with your name on it, and we got to beat everyone else to the punch!"

"Well, it's just, uh…" Finn stammered, awkwardly kicking at the carpet. "What if, um…like… Marceline wanted to come with us?" Normally, Finn wouldn't think twice about inviting Marceline along for an adventure, but something deep down told him it felt right to do so.

Jake lifted a brow to that. Marceline had never willingly gone on an adventure with them, before, and last time they went on a royal task with her, she tried to eat them. At first he was frightened by that prospect happening, again, until he thought about something else. This latter thought made him smile, smugly. "Oh, I see."

"See what, Jake?" He looked around the room and then at his pants. "Aw dang. I forgot to zip my pants, again? Man. Why do we even have those?"

"Naw, dude. I see you want to call Marcy because you have you have a crush on her and want to see her, again."

Finn raspberried. "Dude. This again? I told ya, I don't have a thing for Marceline. I just want to invite her for an adventure, is all. We had all that fun fighting rats, so, you know… I figured, 'Hey, that was fun. We should do it, again!'"

"Mmhmm, I _bet_ it was fun," Jake said suggestively, poking Finn's belly. "Just ask Marceline to come on an adventure, right out of the blue. That doesn't sound suspicious or anything." He continued to poke at Finn's belly, causing his brother to flail his arms about wildly.

"Yeah. Yeah. Whatever, dude. I'm go gonna call her…and _not_ in a romantic way." Finn went over to the phone, dialed her number, and, with inexplicable anxiety, waited for her to answer. Jake snickered to himself, eyes impossibly wide.

"Hi. This is Marceline," she said on voice mail. "I can't make it to the phone, right now, either because I'm too busy torturing the mortal flock, singing songs about my damnable existence, or just don't give a crap about your request. Please leave a message after the beep, and _maybe_ I'll bother to answer back. BLEEEEEGH!"

"Dang," Finn said, somewhat disappointedly. "Hey, Marcy. It's me. You know… uh… Finn. The, uh… the Finn-meister. Mr. Hundred-and-One." He chuckled weakly at his joke as Jake doubled over trying to contain his laughter. Finn blushed and redoubled his efforts. "Anyways, uh… me and Jake are going to Skull Mountain to get a rad sword. The…uh… chatrooms say that it's a pretty…rad… um… sword." At this, Jake grabbed a pillow from the couch and began guffawing into it." If you want to catch up with us, we'll be…" He looked at the map and the coordinates. "50-ish degrees longitude and, like, 73 degrees latitude. Ok. Thanks, again. I mean… um…Bye." Finn hung up and sighed. "I wasn't aware that you could spell 'Jake' J-E-R-K, ya dingus."

"Gonna feel a little _empty_ on this trip?" Jake teased.

"Shut up, dude," Finn raspberried. And with that, they headed off.

* * *

 _ **(Oh no you don't! You're not gonna scene transition you're way out, this time! You sit down and give Finn proper character development, and you're gonna like it! Fine! I'll give you about 2 hours' worth of transitioning. But no more stupid jokes, ok? You need to save those for our next story. So, 2 hours later. Now get to writing, ya schlub!)**_

The first leg of the journey was business as usual for the two, much as they had both been hoping for since the bumpass had set in. They told bad jokes, talked about fightonomics, and discussed the perfect recipe for jabberwocky soufflé. But, as their destination came closer and closer, Finn began to fall behind, contemplating his life. Adventures, for Finn, always seemed to come with some reflexive need for deep introspection, from the most earth-shattering endeavors to something as mundane as fixing that dang zipper on his pants. Most of the time, Finn was hardly even aware that it was happening, but, today, being Finn's first real foray back into some sense of the way things used to be, caused him to step back and take stock of where his life was going and, indeed, if things could even _really_ go back to the way they used to be. Jake, for his part, understood the need for self-reflection, being one to dabble frequently (and also very lazily) in the art of psycho-spirituality (and how such thoughts made one a better person, father, and why footballs were so enlightening). Knowing that such soul-searching never had one specific outcome or outlet, Jake decided to leave Finn to his own devices, knowing that he would open up, if and when he was ready.

Prior to turning twelve, Finn had never really thought much about girls. How they looked, how they acted, nor even how they made him feel like he had butterflies in his tummy _**(Of course, by "butterflies in his tummy,"**_ _ **I actually mean that funny sensation he has in his *slap* Ow! Ok! Sorry! Going too far. My bad)**_. Though, to be perfectly fair, the only girl he was ever really close to prior to reaching near adolescence was his mom, and she and most every other female in this strange world didn't look much like him. Not like a Human. So, for the first eleven years of his life, all he ever had to worry about was hardcore training with his brother and dad to become a great hero and adventurer. It was rough, sure, but it was simple. Go through hardcore physical training, get super strong. Train with the sword, become better at defending yourself. Bite trees, lose teeth, save money on having to go to the dentist. Everything to do with adventuring had a clear goal and effect. Travel the world, save people, fight monsters. No real thought had to be put into any of it.

Finn smiled. _Those were the days._ He sighed, longingly. _I miss those days._

However, when the ripe ol' age of twelve _did_ hit him like a flaming sack of whatsit, though, and Finn met Princess Bubblegum, a new side of him had finally been exposed. It was as if he had met the most beautiful, brilliant woman in the whole world, and it was hard for Finn to resist doing anything for her for reasons that made thoroughly no sense to him (and he liked it for reasons that made even less sense). But with new feelings came new complications. Finn and PB were friends, certainly, and when Finn wasn't focusing on her as some sort of goddess, his brain didn't go all ridiculous. But when Finn _did_ allow himself more romantic musings regarding ol' P-Bubs, his brain went the complete opposite of not ridiculous, and he either made a complete fool of himself, or Bubblegum would tease him and he couldn't tell what she was really feeling. In truth, maybe this period of his life wasn't so bad, even if there were times where it may have put a strain on his friendship with PB. At the very least, he could say that he and Bubblegum had made amends, and that made all of the weirdness of growing up a little bit less horrible, in retrospect. His relationship with FP, however, was less fortunate.

"Flame…Princess," Finn said under his breath, choking on it like a filthy Dog on a ninja biscuit. Finn could barely say her name, anymore, let alone get himself to write it down on his to-do list to actually go and visit her at the Fire Kingdom to make amends, as much he, deep down, really, really wanted to. Sadly, however, his guilt of the past, and his fears of rejection and resentment kept his feet cold _**(ironic, given the girl he was once with)**_. Finn felt a tear pouring from his eye, and he sucked it back in, with some effort, before hanging his head low in depression. _FP._ _I hurt you. I hurt you bad. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry._

On some level, his breakup with Flame Princess was even more painful for him than the death of Billy, because, unlike Billy's death, Finn had actually had a hand in what happened between him and FP. She was the first girlfriend he ever had, (and, technically speaking, the _only_ girlfriend he ever had), and when he was with her, he felt like all of his problems melted away _**(I really hope that pun was unintentional)**_. She was beautiful, she was passionate, and she didn't hide her feelings. Sure, it made her extremely dangerous, but she at least wore her emotions on her sleeve, unlike PB. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that was probably why he had fallen so hard for her in the first place: sure, she was a walking time bomb, in a lot of ways, but she was at least a clear and concise time bomb. So, even if he ran the risk of getting turned into person-roast on the regular, at least there was no guesswork involved. If Flame Princess was angry, you knew she was angry. If she was happy, you knew she was happy. Even more amazingly, despite her destructive nature, she and Finn's relationship lasted almost a year _**(I think. I honestly don't know how much time passes in this show, peeps. As weird as this show can get, I'd buy it if you told me it was only a month or even several centuries because of some time loop, or something)**_. He was completely sure, at that point, that sure that he had found the one.

 _And then I had to go and have those stupid dreams!_ Finn slammed his fist on his knee, anger and sadness seeping into his psyche, again. _It was love that got me into this! Stupid, dang ol' love!_ Finn caught himself slipping into despair, and, wanting to make the absolute most of his time with Jake, focused his efforts on some breathing exercises he learned from Bubblegum. With every breath in, he imagined a fresh happiness gravy filling his lungs _**(…what?)**_ , and with every breath out, he imagined a swarm of bumpass bees leaving his system _**(that's the imagery you went with, is it? My Glob)**_. As he felt himself cooling down, he found that his thoughts had shifted to a more recent source of confusion.

 _Marceline? Why you? Why now?_ Try as he might, Finn realized that he couldn't actually come up with an answer to that. Maybe he couldn't fully explain his attraction to Bubblegum and Flame Princess with mouth words, but he could, at the very least, blame his initial feelings on a sudden rush of hormones. Where did this attraction to _Marceline_ come from? He had never once had a romantic thought about her, and even when she kissed him on the cheek, the only discomfort he felt was the sensation of surprise, not hormones. Not to mention that he very rarely found any sort of common ground with her, besides their love of music and the occasional shindig, and he never once found her attractive on a physical level, not even when he accidentally saw her naked (a memory which had been weaseling its way back into his head, as of late). But, after the battle in the cave, it was as if a switch went off in his head _**(and his crispy bits. Heehee. *slap!* Ow! What? It's not like the readers aren't thinking it!)**_.

 _It's like, when I saw you fight, get all torn up, and you actually cared about me, and then you kissed me…it felt right. Righterer than I've ever felt with you before._ He sighed. _I wanted to see you so bad, again._ Then another thought popped into his head. _That's exactly what I said about Flame Princess in my dreams._ He shook his head.

"No! No! No! No!" he said aloud, smacking head. "I'm not doing that, again!"

Jake looked back at Finn with concern. "What's wrong, dude?"

"I can't do it, Jake. I can't let that happen, again!"

He stretched his legs to reach where Finn was, and, he put a comforting hand on him. "What, dude? Let what happen again?"

Finn felt himself slipping, and he didn't want Jake to worry so much about him, so with a deep breath, and a new heroic demeanor, he stood up straight and held his head up, confidently. "Girls, Jake. I can't let's girls happen again."

"What?" Jake asked. "No girls?"

"That's right" Finn said, confidently. "No more girls, girlfriends, girl-type thoughts, play dates, or crushes of any sort. I'm a new kinda Finn who don't need no girl in his life."

"What got you into that mindset, bro?"

"I've…" Finn said, trying to come up with a good excuse. "I've spent a lot of time thinking in that hospital bed about two things. Number one: hospital gowns really suck because they're way too cold on your butt. Number two: I have been feeling like I'm being lazily followed by a nebulous, adoring force for a good while, now. And number two, part two: I spent way too much time in my state of bumpassness. And you know what causes me to get caught in bumpassness, Jake?"

Jake thought that one over, counting with his fingers. "Hmm. Well, there's lack of sleep, that nasty swarm of real estate-savvy ticks on your back, and that moment when your lover says that you're really lacking in the ol' 'hee-hoo'. Then there's that-"

Finn slapped Jake's jowls back into the conversation. "Girls, Jake! Girls!" he interrupted. "When I didn't feel anything for a girl, I was happy. But, when I started feeling ways for Bubblegum and…ya know… FP… everything goes wrong and I starts going totes bumpass! Never again, man. Never, ever again."

"Dude, I know what you went through sucks," Jake muttered, rubbing his neck, "but you're a teenage boy still struggling with feelings you don't fully understand. You can't just ignore girl-related thoughts."

"Yes I can," Finn said, quickly. "I got a special brain vault that allows me to block such horrible thoughts. Watch!" He put a hand to his hand and concentrated on locking away the bad thoughts. "And… click! Out of mind, miles behind. Locked away in a vault whose combination is 11-17-92. But don't think you can just waltz in 'cause you know the combination. There's a big ol' scarred up Finn who just got back from ten years of fighting evil spirits in the Dark Realm. You can find strong weapons there."

"Look, dude," Jake chimed in, "point is, girl-related thoughts aren't just your run-of-the-mill-type thoughts. It's something completely primal. It's an instinctual need for a lovely lady in your life to fill the void. All guys have it, bro. It's just part of nature. And you can't ignore nature or something that's 'primestinctual.'"

"And I say I can," Finn said, defensively. "With sheer force of will, I can overcome any kinda thought. I overcame the Lich, twice, so I can overcome girl-related thoughts, no problem."

Jake sighed, sympathetically. "Look. I'm not saying you can't take a while to think over on those kinda feelings, big guy, but I think you'll find that, no matter how many times you block those feelings, they're only gonna get stronger until you finally burst. It happened with Bubblegum, and it could happen again, with another girl."

Finn sighed, torn between his hero's heart and Jake's pragmatism. Deep down, he knew his brother was probably right. He did everything in his power to get over the two loves of his life, before, but he failed and ended up in the realm of Bumpassness. And with these new feelings for Marcy, the battle against bumpassness was only going to much harder. But, Finn's hero's heart ached for adventurer, and he wanted, desperately, to be better than the person he once was. Still, he had to remind himself that things were not so simple, and he decided that he would consider his brother's suggestion. He smiled. "Ok Jake, I'll try."

Jake nodded, satisified. "Good. Cuz' right now, we got a sword to get!"

"Right on!" Finn said, excitedly. "How much farther?"

Jake pointed forward. "Almost there! See?"

Finn looked at a series of mountains, the tallest of which, had a gigantic skull at the peak. "Sweet! Let's go get it!"

"Right with ya, bro!" He stretched out his legs and body to become rideable. "Just hop on my little boosey and we'll get cloosey!"

"Hahahaha! You said words!" Finn said, hopping aboard his brother's back.

The two laughed along the way to the mountain, walking over rocks and trees to get their prize. However, they became less jovial when they heard heavy footsteps, lotsa chanting, and war drums playing.

"Ah man," Jake said. "Told ya we shoulda left sooner."

"Sounds like super evil stuff's going down. Come on, Jake we can take em.'" They reached a hill side and looked down to see a massive army moving into the mountain pass. The backbone of the forces were Orcs in assymetrical black armor that looked evil in nature. Surrounding them were much smaller Goblins who, unlike their rule-following cousins, were hunched on all fours and much more terrifying-looking. Among the pile of Orc-Kin were massive trolls wielding equally massive clubs.

"Ahem," Jake said. "You were saying?"

"Wow!" Finn said. "That's a lot of evil-looking dudes! Are they all competing for the sword?"

"Doubt it, man. I hear an awful lot of chanting and drumming for it to just be a bunch of dudes fighting against each other. This is definitely a unified army." He sniffed the air, and winced. "And they definitely got trolls down there. Aw man! I hate trolls. I'm super allergic to them."

"Come on, man," Finn insisted. "Ain't no Orcs or allergies gonna keep us from getting that sword."

Jake pinched his nose shut. "You underestimate the power of 'trollergies', bro. A guy could die from that."

"Gitty-up, l'il doggie," Finn said, kicking his brother's sides, causing Jake to whinny and clop down the hill.


	5. ATIB Part 5

**Here we are, folks! The final chapter of the prologue! It's taken a long time, but I finally did it! I'm sorry I didn't get it done, any sooner. But, as I said, good stories take time to write, and I would rather take forever to write something good than turn in something mediocre. No joke, I went through like 6 or 7 rewrites for this chapter, alone. I also made some minor rewrites to the first four chapters (namely the "Flying Turtle" bit in Chapter 2 about Finn and Jake fighting Giant Spiders so as not to outshine what should be Finn's biggest moment in this story), so I would suggest going back and reading those first before preceding to this chapter. On that note, thank you guys so much for all your patience and support! Side note, but if you see a sentence that is in parentheses but is not bolded or italicized, that is the Writer speaking, now. It was my brother's idea when he helped edit this chapter, and I rather liked it!**

ATIB Final Part

 _ **(OMG, peeps! We're finally here! The beginning of the end! No. Wait. This is a prologue, so the…beginning of the start? Yeah! That's it! The beginning of the start of the greatest shipping since…well…hmm. What shipping could match the perfection that is Finnceline?)**_

(At this point, the Narrator checked his Rolodex of awful fanfiction shippings. Being as he can be incorporeal on a whim, I gathered that you wouldn't be able to glean that information. Also, being as I have a strong dislike for him on the same level with which I disdain people who eat raw tomatoes, I wanted the reader to know that he does, in fact, have a Rolodex of awful fanfiction shippings).

 _ **(Earth Star and Beauty Stem? Naw. Two amphibians in love is not quite as sensual as a young man falling for a sexy Vampire lady. And besides, that ship is irrelevant to everyone but George over in Canada. Robin and Starfire? Blegh! She has the same voice actress as that corn-syrup-scented hussy trying to steal Marcy's man! Hellboy and Blood Rayne? What the heck have you been smoking, guy? Crack shippings are for losers who don't know how to write good fanfiction. Kinda like you, now that I think of it.)**_

(Sad, but true, I'm afraid).

 _ **(Aha! Batman and Wonder Woman! Now we're talkin'! This is the beginning of the start of the greatest shipping since Bander Wo-Man! So, we find Finn and Jake where they left off, galloping like buffoons on the edge of cliff and into the warm embrace of a lawsuit from Christopher Tolkien.)**_

"ADVENTURE TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!" Finn's heart pounded with excitement as he and Jake charged down the mountain.

"You ready for this bro?" Jake called to him.

"Yeah, dude!" Finn answered, earnestly. "Let's do this!"

As they reached the bottom of the hill, Finn and Jake took cover behind a conveniently-placed rock near the enemy encampment. As quiet as a mouse on mind-altering substances, the two began to formulate a battle plan.

"I say we run in there and just go full-on Four-Fisted-Phil on these guys!" Finn whispered. (Ah, yes. The master strategist at work.)

Jake chuckled. "I like your style brother. Flabby, stabby, makin' enemies crabby!" They bumped fists. "You sure you don't wanna fight side-by-side? I know it's been a good long while."

"No," Finn said with stalwart determination. "I'd say it's been _too_ long. I'm gonna take this slow, but I'm gonna do it on my stoney loney. First baby steps, and then toddler steps, and maybe even early childhood steps, when I get to the Trolls." Speaking of which, He thought about what Jake said about the Trolls, earlier. "Hey, Jake. Are you gonna be ok fighting Trolls? You did say you have 'trollergies.'"

Jake giggled. "Naw, dude. I made that stuff up. "I was just testing your resolve, back there, and you aced it!"

"Oh," Finn said, smiling. "Ok! My resolve remains resolvant!"

As he said this, they heard a pronounced cough from above them. They looked up to see that a detachment of Trolls and Orcs had found them and were staring down at them from the other side of the rock, nonplussed. He looked up at the Trolls, whose ugly faces made Finn reconsider his strategy (or lack thereof). "Yeesh, maybe I should take 'middle age' steps when fighting Trolls."

"That hurtful assessment," said one of the Trolls, "But me understand you need to lash out, right now. Teenage hormones, and what not."

"How the heck did you guys even find us?" Jake asked grumpily, hands on his hips. "We're _behind cover_ , here!"

"You kidding?" one of the Orcs scoffed. "We saw you guys running down the hill." He gestured to the hill Finn and Jake had descended, pointing out the very distinctly un-Goblin footprints leading down to their current hiding place. "And also you were screaming like banshee baboons about fighting us the whole way down."

Jake coughed awkwardly. "Well… Guess we have no one to blame but ourselves."

"No, no, don't be so hard on yourselves," the Orc said, smiling through snot-green teeth. "I wish _I_ had that much exuberance on a Monday!"

The entire group laughed together, in spite of themselves. After a pleasant, companionable silence, the Orc's mood shifted entirely.

" _But we still gotta kill you guys!"_

At this, Jake instinctively punched the Orc off the rock, grabbed Finn, and bounced over the lot of them and into the whole of the army.

"Hey!" shouted a Goblin from the encampment. "Those guys are exhibiting far too much hyper-masculine aggression!" And with that, the army descended upon the duo with wild (and quite frankly uncalled for) fury.

"You sure you're ready for this, bro?" Jake asked, readying himself for battle.

"Heck yeah, I am!" Finn shouted, grinning from ear to ear. "Because I'm a dang hero!"

"Ok, dude!" Jake said. "But remember, baby steps, yeah? And don't forget…" before he could finish his statement, a Troll punched him in the face and flung him into the air and into the middle of the swarm.

"Jake!" Finn cried.

"I'm alright! But, don't forget that I'm always here for yoooooooooooooooooou!" Jake shouted as he sailed off into the distance.

In spite of the situation, Finn smiled and called back, "Thanks for the eternally-encouraging words of wisdooooooooooooom!"

As the army closed in around him, Finn was both a little nervous and a little excited. This was gonna be his first fight, alone, in a year, and he was far from his peak. But he had to prove to himself that he was still capable. _Alright, Finn! This is it! You got this! So long as your heart remains in Hero-Mode, you can do anything!_ However, he became a lot less confident when he noticed how much bigger the evil army really was, both in numbers and the individuals, themselves. These Goblins were significantly larger than the wimpy Goblins he (regretfully) lorded over, roughly his own size if they stood upright, while the Orcs looked to be the size of Grizzly Bears. The Trolls were even more imposing, many of them looking like they could dwarf most of the trees in Ooo. _Oh glob! I wish my Hero-Heart would activate on fast cook, right now!_

As the evil army descended upon them, Finn decided to shake off his cold feet and just wing it. "I can do this! I am awesome!" Finn did as he promised himself, charging the smaller Goblins first. Their hissing like those angry Snakes (and some small Kittens), making him cringe a bit from it, and unlike their more mousy brethren, they were not afraid of him, and attempted to swarm all over him. Finn had to think fast. "Hiya!" Finn shouted as he smacked a goblin in the head with his sword, easily incapacitating the small creature. "Ha!" Finn shouted. "This is gonna be easy!" He punched one goblin in its face with is robot hand, kicked another one so hard he heard bones shatter, and slashed another one, the splinters causing it to role on the ground in pain. As the little buggers came, Finn was able to hold them off with ease, utilizing his speed and agility, banking on their frailty and disorganization to take them out. And for a time, he did just that. "Ha! This is ain't anythang but a Wyvern fang!" Finn shouted, his confidence quickly coming back to him. _Heck yeah,_ he thought to himself. _I got these jaspers no problem._ However, Finn was becoming too cocky, focusing too much on one creature at a time rather than the entire horde, and as soon the Goblins realized what a real threat he was, they charged him with greater speed and more ferocity. Finn looked in horror at the swarming Goblins. "Oh, no…" One bit his ankle, another bit his living shoulder, and one bit his robot arm, while others wrapped their gangly arms tightly around his limbs and body. "Ugh! Get off me, you dang ol' Goblins!" Finn used all of his might stand up and swing some of them off, but others wouldn't let go. He decided to further test the strength of his new arm. "Alright! Time to take you guys down down to Goblin Town!" He hit the Goblin biting his leg so hard its head seemed to disappear into the dirt, then pryed the one on his shoulder off, tossing it several feet away. He used his flesh-and-blood hand to punch the Goblin on his robot arm several times until it fell unconscious. Finn roared his mightiest roar (Which is barely above that of a baby Lion in terms of decibels) as he beat his chest.

"Nice work, bro," Jake called to him as he smashed several Orcs in giant form. "Keep it up!"

"Thanks dude!" Finn said. Now the Orcs were charging him, unperturbed by the boy's disproportional levels of physical strength. Finn smiled. "Time to make Orc sausages with a side of Orc rinds!" _**(Puns! You suck at them!)**_ Finn remained confident, but now he was more tactical. All of the Orcs were about a foot or two taller than him (And perhaps four or five feet wider), and he had to really be on his toes. He ran to one of the Orcs and swiped on the knee. It cried like a little girl.

"Ow, my knee!" It cried. "That was my mother's favorite knee!"

"Stick a knee-dle in your eye!" _**(Would you just quit with the puns, already?! You're embarrassing yourself!)**_ Finn shouted as he kicked the Orc in the face, causing it to fall to the ground. He used his head to smash into an Orc's gut, causing it to fall down in pain, and as another one attempted to cut him down, he raised his arm in defense, the sword just bouncing off with each strike.

"Why…won't…you…die!" The Orc shouted.

Finn smiled at this capabilities of his arm, and pushed the Orc back. "Robo arms, son!" He pulled back his robo-arm, and punched the Orc in the face, who subsequently fell to the ground with an impact mark the size of the basketball. More Orcs charged in, so Finn used a spin attack to strike multiple opponents at once, doing his darnedest to make sure each strike hurt like helps. While some Orcs fell to ground, others weathered the storm and continued fighting. This time, the Orcs were more organized, and attacked him all at once. Finn attempted to block with both his arm and his sword, but though his new arm could easily block the attacks without even so much as a dent, the sad excuse for a weapon was far less durable, and with little effort, an Orc chopped the broom sword in half

"Dang it!" Finn huffed. "That was my favorite sword, in recent memory, you butt!" But the Orcs didn't cease. One of them put Finn in a head lock, while another started punching him in the gut, chuckling distastefully at the sight of Finn's belly jiggling.

Jake took notice of the scuffle as he kicked aside several goblins with his gigantic feet. "Oh, Grod! Finn! You need a hand?"

"No!" Finn said. "This is… _MY_ FIGHT!" He headbutted the Orc holding him and then kicked the Orc punching him with both feet. In anger, Finn stuffed the remains of his Broom Sword into an Orc's mouth, slid it across its tongue, giving it splinters and making it scream in pain, while Finn grabbed another Orc's nose with his caliper hand, twisting it too make it extra painful. Finn used all his strength to throw the Orc over his head slam it on the ground. Finn huffed a bit from the effort, but was quite proud of himself. He decided to strike while the iron was hot, and continued his assault. Though the Orc proved strong, Finn was much stronger _**(Ah. Don't you just love the Stormtrooper Effect? Isn't wonderful how it explains away all kinds of lazy writing?)**_ , and though his reflexes were lessened over the years, they had not fully disappeared, and he proved to these fools who was the better fighter. As the fight raged on, the remaining Orcs became more afraid of the Human boy, and thus retreated behind the massive frame of a gigantic Troll.

"Oh, dang," Finn stammered. The Troll was four times the height of the Orcs, and possibly five times wider. And worse, Finn was tiring out. His breathing was spotty, and his calves burned like a thousand suns. But, he stood his ground, holding his broken sword in a battle-ready posture. The Troll roared a mighty roar as it raised its club up. Finn had only a split second to jump out of the way, but the force of the Troll's blow was enough to knock him off his feet. With some effort, Finn jumped back up and ran towards the Troll, smacking the creature's knee as with his sword. However, the splinters barely penetrated its thick hide, and the Troll only looked in confusion, while Finn looked back at it in horror. The Troll attempted to backhand him, but he narrowly dodged it. Finn attempted to sidestep and form a counterattack with his sword, but in his present state, he was not quite fast enough, and the Troll kicked him so hard that Finn went flying into a rock, his Broom Sword flying out of his hand. The force was enough to crack the stone, and Finn felt a stinging pain in his back.

Breathless and aching, he struggled to his feet as the Troll charged at him, using both hands to swing the club downward. Finn barely had enough time to dodge the attack and watch the Troll crush the rock like a predator crushes a Sabretooth; that is, like it's nothing. Finn was very nervous. He had fought creatures several times his size before, but even back then, it wasn't easy without his brother. And now he was out of shape, in searing pain, and too tired to fight back. _Oh, man_ , Finn worried. _This guy's kicking my buns. One wrong move, and I'm history, math, and science!_ But Finn shook his head, fighting the fatigue and doubt he was feeling. "No! I'm not gonna give up! I AM A MAN!" Finn ran with all his might while raising his robo fist _**(or tongs, or**_ _**pliers, or those awesome and long, grabby things that your teacher sometimes uses! You know which one I'm talking about. Don't deny the fact that you pretended it was an electro-gun!)**_ , and drove it into the Troll's belly flab. However, his fist only managed to enter the Troll's belly-button, and it was not the least bit phased by his attack. They stared at Finn's pincers as it hung inside the Troll's flab. It was exceptionally awkward for them both.

"Huh…" Finn huffed. "Well… dang it."

The Troll held its head down, sadly. "Me hoped nobody notice me weight-gain. Me so depressed, now."

Desperate to forget this had ever happened, they both overcame the grip of crippling anxiety, and Finn got his hand out just in time to raise his arm before the troll slammed its fist on his entire body, and dug Finn into the ground. He felt his bones shake and body bruise harder than a mixed martial artist banana sundae, but his arm managed to deflect the worst of it, only having a minor dent in the lower-arm region. Still, he was very much spent, and the Troll was right on top of him. Finn attempted to roll to the side, but he could only manage to barely drag himself on his hip, before the Troll simply scooped him up in his hand. Finn attempted to struggle from its death grip, but with each attempt the Troll squeezed even harder. Finn relented. His pride was only gonna get him killed _**(Rule 31 of the Hero's Handbook; if you have a Magic Dog that can turn gigantic, make sure that that's always plan A! Duh!)**_

"Jake!" Finn shouted. "HEEEEEELP!"

Jake finished smashing some enemies with his hammer hands, and turned to hear the continual cries of his brother, who he now saw was being crushed by a Troll. "Oh Gob! Hold on, Finn! I'm coming!" Jake leapt into the air and fell behind the Troll, putting it in a headlock, causing it to lose its grip on Finn. "You wanna go night night, punk! Here…" He shifted his skin into a large sheet around the Troll's face. "Have a blanky! And then…." He strangled it, forcing it go unconscious. "Take a nap!" The Troll's body fell down, and in the nick of time, Jake caught Finn's freefalling body. "You ok, bro?"

Finn wheezed heavily. "Yeah. Thanks, Jake."

"You look like crud, dude," Jake said. "Maybe we should just call this thing off. You're in no shape to keep…"

"No!" Finn interjected, leaping up from his resting posture, though stumbling from the attempt. "We're getting that sword, no matter what it takes!"

Though worried, Jake smiled at the boy's resolve. He really was back from the realm of Bumpass. "Alright, dude! We'll get that sword! I'll stretch us over to that mountain and we'll be…." However Jake, immediately started swelling up and growing welts all over his body, his limbs seizing up and shrinking. "Ah poopy."

"Jake!" Finn worried. "What's wrong?!"

"Dang ith!" Jake said with his lips and tongue swollen. "I thouda known thith wath gonna happen. I gotta bad cathe of the trollergieths. I knew I thouda broughth that dang ol' needle for my Troll thoths!"

"But…but I thought you made that stuff up!"

"I wath thtlying not to make you worry! I didn'th wanth you give up on your dleamths for my thake!"

"Well, how long are you gonna be like that?"

"Abouth twenthty-four thtinking houths. Thowy, bro. I gueth I thoulda been more prepathed"  
"Jake, don't worry," Finn said. "I'll roll you up the Mountain." Finn attempted roll Jake in the direction of the mountain, but Jake was far too heavy to move anywhere, and he just didn't have any more stamina nor strength to spare. Still, he kept pushing. "I'll…get us…there…before you know it."

With some effort, Jake turned his head to see the rest of the evil army charging their way. He gasped. "I don't thtink we'll make it in time! Go on without me, Thfinn. Thave youthelf!"

"No!" Finn said, "I'm not gonna leave you here." Finn kept attempting to move Jake forward, but he made no progress, and he stopped and when heard the footsteps of the army right behind him. Finn had no choice. He had to stay and protect his brother. The sword could wait, while he gave these dinguses a taste of his Hero's Heart. With his remaining strength, he picked up a sword from one of the bodies, and charged the evil army, head on, forsaking his own safety.

 _ **(Well, that's enough of that! Onward to Marcy's scene! Don't worry, you action fiends! We'll be right back after this scene! Here we are, 30 minutes before Finn bites the dust.)**_

Marceline was in the middle of nowhere. Everything was covered in inky black darkness. No sky, no ground, not even a beam of light from the moon. As such, she could not find a source of light to use her night-vision. "Where am I? What is this place? Why can't I see anything" There was very little in this world that could scare the Vampire Queen, anymore, but this was one of those few things. She darted around the area, utilizing her sense of smell and hearing to make sure she didn't bump into anything in this dark world. But there were no scents or sounds, and it was all dead space _**(Don't you dare leave a Dead Space comment in the review section, you fan boys…wait? Dang it! You set me up!)**_. No buildings, no trees, no nothing. Marcy was nervous.

"Where am I? I want to go home."

"You have eternity, but he doesn't" said a deep, masculine voice.

"Who said that?" Her eyes darted around in the darkness. "Show yourself!"

"You have all the time in the world, but he doesn't."

She protracted her claws. "I said show yourself!"

"You'll live forever, but he won't."

Her face became that of a terrifying monster. "COME OUT, RIGHT NOW, OR I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Marcy?" A familiar voice said.

"Finn" Marcy turned around and saw Finn in a bright, white spotlight. But he looked different. Much different. He was in his usual get up (complete with his usual unidentifiable smell) but he looked like a fragile, old man, with wrinkly skin, sagging eye sockets, and a long white beard that hung down to his lap. He was confined to a wheel chair, as his legs were now little more than stumps, and his flower arm was shriveled, its flakey petals falling off onto the floor. Marcy was in horror. "Finn…what…what happened to you?"

"I was waiting for you, Marcy…for a hundred years!"

"A hundred years," Marcy mused. "But…but I just saw you, a week ago."

"A week for a vampire is like a hundred years for us mortal dudes. What the heck, man? I called you all that time, and you never answered. And now thanks, to you, my dang ol' legs fell off."

"Finn, I-I didn't mean to. I was just scared that I would feel something for you and…and…"

"And now I feel nothing!" Finn interrupted, beaming with pleasantness through his four-toothed smile. "Well, except my bad back, mah old knees, and I'm pretty sure I got worms making renovations in my ears. Dang freeloaders didn't pay _me_ no mind when they passed that zoning regulation."

"Finn. I'm…I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen."

"What?" He pulled out a horn and put in into his ear. "Sorry, Marcy. You'll have to speak up," I think those worms in my ears are signing off on their lease."

She grimaced. "I said I'm sorry."

"What?"

Tears welling up in her eyes, she embraced him in a hug. "I said, I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry!"

"Ow! My body!" Then Finn fell to the floor.

"Finn!" Marcy exclaimed in horror. I'm sorry! I didn't mean to..."

"Marcy. Why did you hurt me? You're…you're a real jerk…and I hate you!"

"Oh glob! I did it again!" She covered her eyes as she cried. "I'm a monster!" Then she heard a voice laughing from the shadows. It was a pale being with a wide-brim hat and horse skull for a head, riding a steed with the same exact same head. It was clear who it was; he the visage of Death himself.

"You," Marcy snarled, "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I'm here to collect my prize, baby-cakes," Death said with devilish glee. "Old Finny here is gonna be playing poker with me for all eternity."

"But, he can't!" she protested. "He's not dead!"

"No?" Death mused before turning to the prostrate old dork on the floor of the cave. "Hey, you there. Ima call you 'Onion Farts.'"

"It only hurts because it's true," Finn Onion Farts wheezed. "And also because Marceline broke all two of my remaining ribs."

"Anyways, Onion Farts," Death continued. "You dead yet?"

"Actually, I think I'm still hangin' in there, spitefully," Onion Farts answered. "If you can call livin' in a cave and havin' onion farts 'life.'"

"That's a fair point," Death chuckled with sinister satisfaction. "Lemme give you a hand with that!" In a flash, he pulled out a lasso and flung it around Onion Farts' Finn's body, pulling out his ghostly essence. "Boo-YAH!" he shrieked, pumping his free hand. "I'd call this a marked improvement!"

"Wait!" Marcy shouted. "You can't do this!" She fell to her knees, her eyes flowing with tears. "I…I didn't even get to say goodbye."

"Well, you shoulda thought of that before wallowing for eternity in your own pity party," Death said, mockingly. "Now, you're forever alone. But hey. At least you won't ever have to face Death himself. Hehehe. Get it? Cuz', ya know, I'm Death. Eh, whatever. I'm about spent on jokes, anyways." He held up a peace sign. "Sayonara, sucka! I'm out this piece!" He turned his horse around and dragged off Finn's soul into the darkness.

"Finn! Nooooooo!" Marcy wailed, tears now pouring unstoppably down her cheeks.

 _ **(Wait… what? I said flash back to thirty minutes ago, you boob! Not, "Hey, let's go play a game of 'Dystopian Future Kickball' with my emotions!")**_

(Calm down, Frosted-Tips. It's a dream sequence representing Marceline's repressed self-loathing over her own immortality. Aren't you supposed to be nigh-omnipotent?)

 _ **(Well, I AM, but I suppose I expected better of you than "it was all a dream!")**_

(I am nothing if not totally amateur)

 _ **(Wait, shut up! She's waking up!)**_

Marcy woke up in a cold sweat. She breathed heavily, looking around her bedroom, relieved that she was back in her room. Not wanting to risk jinxing herself, she pinched her arm to ensure that she wasn't still dreaming. _**(Why does that work? Are people not able to pinch themselves in their dreams?)**_ She breathed a deep sigh of relief to discover that she was not and fell back on the bed.

"Phew. It was only a dream." Stretching out her shoulders, she had a thought. "What time is it anyway?" She grabbed her octorok creature _**(Oh come on! You know that's what it is!)**_ , crushed it in her hand, and turned it into her serpentine cellphone. It read "11:30" on the screen.

"Man. It's still way too early for me," she yawned. "I just wanna go back to sleep." Then, she took notice of a message on the bottom corner of the screen. It was from Finn. She cringed at that, put her hand on her forehead in exasperation. _This Finn business is never gonna end, is it?_ "Dang it, Finn. What the heck do you want at this hour?" Still crabby from lack of sleep, she begrudgingly pushed the button on the phone to listen to the message.

"Hey, Marcy. It's me. You know… uh… Finn. The, uh… the Finn-meister. Mr. Hundred-and-One. Anyways, uh…me and Jake are going to Skull Mountain to get a rad sword. The…uh… chatrooms say that it's a pretty…rad… um… sword. If you want to catch up with us, we'll be…50-ish degrees longitude and, like, 73 degrees latitude. Ok. Thanks, again. I mean… um…Bye."

She grumbled, still too tired and confused to want to even bother with Finn right now.

"An adventure? Now? Why the heck would he ask me that? Dang it! I've told him that this is my bedtime! That little twerp just won't leave me alone!" She angrily crushed the phone back into its octorok form, and threw it. "The kid can just drop off the earth for all I care! I don't have time for this! I just wanna sleep. I just want him to leave me alone." With tears in her eyes, she felt herself quickly dozing off into sleep, wanting so badly for all this Finn business to blow over.

 _You know, though, you may live forever, but Finn definitely won't._

With Death's voice still fresh in her memory, Marcy thought back on her dream and the night before. Distressed, she immediately got up before she could return to deep sleep. She gave a frustrated sigh, a little calmer than before, but still every bit as uncomfortable.

"Dang it," she grumbled, "Why did I have to get into this mess? Why did I even bother to let myself fall for you?" What seemed like an easy fix, the night before (and in fact, the last four years of her life), was now becoming a thorn on her side. Finn was a great guy. A really, really great guy, sure, but was he really worth the stress. This little kid who was gonna die anyway, this boy who liked to be a goody-two-shoes, this speck of a being who she would forget, in time. But, despite her best efforts, she couldn't deny it. She just couldn't lie to herself, anymore. She had a blast in the cave, that night, and she was definitely falling hard for the kid, and it would only be a matter of years before he would grow up to be a man…or he would die before she even had the chance to tell him how she really felt. She sighed, put her head down, and pulled her legs into her chest with her arms. Quietly, she sang to herself:

 _Marceline, what do you think you should do?_

 _Should you on act on your instincts, or should your like-like follow through?_

 _Marceline, do you think it's really worth it?_

 _Or do you really think that Finn's just the bottomless pit?_

 _Well, I don't know what my unlife may bring_

 _Seems like this is just another stupid thing_

 _But it feels so right_

 _And despite all my might,_

 _I can't seem to resist this feeling_

 _Glob! My heart, it really seems to sting_

She cried, silently. "What should I do?" For a good ten minutes she puzzled over that big question, until eventually, she finally gave herself an answer. She sighed. "You're gonna regret this. I just know you are."

 **(No** _ **you won't, Marcy! Cuz' you'll be with your man! And your love will win the day! And speaking of your man, let's see what Finn's up to!)**_

Despite his fatigue, Finn's hero heart allowed him to fight on past its normal limits. He slashed, he punched, he kicked, and even performed a deadly combination of all three _**(Is that all you know? Kicking, punching, and slashing? Man, you really suck at fight choreography)**_. He was on fire _**(And by on fire, I mean those dang ol' lactic acids in his legs are burning like crazy! See? I can science, too!)**_ , and he thought he could keep on going, forever.

 _Come on, Finn!_ He shouted in his mind. _You can't give up, now! You need to keep on fighting! For Jake! For the sword! For Finn!_ He fought and he fought, but eventually he was so tired that his damage output was only making the Orcs angry, so he switched over to a more defensive posture with his sword. He blocked all the attackers as best he could, but he was eventually disarmed, and his robot arm was literally the only thing between him and death. He was finally backed up in the corner, or rather Jakes ugly, slowin' gut.

"ThFinn," Jake said, hopelessly. "If we don'th get outh of thith alive, I juth wanth you to know…I…I ateth your peetha you lefth in the frithge!"

"We're gonna make out of here, Jake!" Finn said. "I'm gonna keep….hey! You ate my pizza?"

"I'm thorry," Jake said, sadly. "I wath thuper hungry and you lefth ith in the fridgthe, for five monthththhs"

"Ah, dude," Finn whined. "That ain't cool!" However, this moment of distraction caused Finn to be punched in the face by one of the Orcs, and he was knocked against Jake's hard, lumpy body. The Orc hit harder than he had anticipated, and now his left eye was purple and swollen, the back of his head was ringing, and he collapsed on the ground. His fatigue had finally caught up with him, and coupled with his stinging pain, he could no longer fight. He was too exhausted and sore to move, even to crawl and protect Jake.

 _Ah, Jake. I'm sorry I got you into this, man._ A tear came from his one, none-blackened eyed. _Now we'll never get out of here with the sword or our lives._ The Orc that punched him stepped over him, laughing evilly as it readied an axe to give Finn the final death blow.

"Thfinn! No!" Jake shouted, trying to stretch himself to save his brother. But it was hopeless. Jake's trollergies affected his elasticity, and he too tired himself out from the struggle.

In what seemed like the last few seconds of his very short life, he felt as if the bumpass were finally returning to take him. Flashes of fear, doubt, and depression clouded his mind, digging the proverbial knife into his emotional wounds before a literal figurative knife did him in.

 _You're no hero. You're just loser. A wimp. A chubyy sack of old sacks. You're no good to anyone._

Not that it mattered, now. He was gonna die very soon. _**(Don't give up, Finn. Because…wait for it…wait for it…here she is!)**_ However, before the Orc could give the final blow, its axe handle was grabbed by Marceline, who was in her sunhat and gloves, effortlessly lifting both the axe and the Orc with one hand. _**(Dramating Saves: The most epic cliché, next to the "Good Guy Army Charge!")**_

"Marcy!" Finn and Jake exclaimed. (Jake really said "Marfthy," but I figured I could spare him from at least _some_ level of indignity).

"Excuse me," she scolded the Orc. "What the heck are you doing with my playthings? Did I _say_ you could have them?"

The Orc just roared in her face. She winced at the stench and rubbed the saliva off her face. "Pee-u. Ugly, rude, and stinky. I don't think like you too much." She tossed the Orc into the rest of the horde, sending them flying to the sides like a bowling ball hitting bowling pins. She brushed her hands off, and then turned to Finn, "Wow, dude? You look like crap. But, that new arm looks pretty sweet." Finn smiled and blushed. She helped pull him up to his feet. "Guess I came her just in time. You alright?"  
"Yeah, Marcy!" Finn forced out, excitedly! "Thanks for the save!"

"Yeah! Thankth for thaving uth, Marfthy!" Jake muffled. "We would have been buttered toatht if you didnth thow up!"

"Woah, dude" Marcy said. "What happened to you?"

"Oh," Finn said. "Jake just has a bad case of the trollergies."

"What?"

"I dunno," Finn shrugged. "I just found out about it, today."

She raised an eyebrow at that. "Um…ok." She coughed. "So, I hear you guys are looking for a rad sword at the top of Skull Mountain. You guys in any shape to come with?"

"No thankth," Jake said. "I won'th be abthle to move, for a while. I'll justht thtay here."

"Heck yeah!" Finn, excitedly, wobbling from his injuries. "I'm totes ready to get that rad sword!

"You sure?" Marcy questioned. "Because you sure don't look it?" She pushed him with a finger, and he immediately fell down. "You can barely stand up, let alone fight. You just stay here, and I'll fly up and get the sword…

"I yes too _can_ fight!" Finn protested. "I fought half an army by myself with nothing but a Broom Sword! I'm not gonna give up, now!" Finn blushed. "Plus…ya know…I still wanna hang out…with you, and stuff. And if…you know…we work together...it would make it easier."  
Jake was chuckling at Finn's embarrassment, which made Finn blush more. He cleared his throat. "And plus plus, we gotta make sure that all the evil, bad guys are defeated so that Jake can get over his trollergies, safely."

Marcy looked at the kid with a mix of amusement and bemusement (an emotion which the history's most regrettable team of scientists dubbed "bamusement parking"). _This kid never gives up, does he?_ She sighed. "Ok, 'black-and-blue all over'," she said, "but, if you break into a million pieces, don't come crying to me!"

Finn put a hand to his heart. "My body is made of titanium, my heart is made of diamonds, and my brain is made of…um…plexiglass. I promise you, milady, I will not crumble!"

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever, ya little weirdo," she playfully dismissed. She heard the army advancing on them. "Looks like your buddies are up for round two. You ready to lay the smack down on them?"

"Heck yeah!" Finn said. "Let's get em!"

 _ **(Aaaaah yeah, boy! My two favorite peeps fighting together! It's like a fairy tale, only with more missing teeth and busted lips!)**_

As was typical of her, Marceline charged the enemy first, utilizing her superhuman levels of speed and strength to batter the enemy horde, while Finn struggled to catch up with her. This time, however, Finn worked twice as hard to fight alongside her, despite his fatigue and pain.

 _I can't believe it!_ He thought gleefully. _She's here! She's actually here!_ _I can't believe it!_ Finn jumped in the air, and punched an Orc out that was attempting to cut down Marcy.

She turned around and smiled, easily overpowering Orcs and Goblins that dared face her, barehanded. "Wow. Someone's excited?"

"Heck yeah, I am!" Finn said, breathily, holding back his actual fatigue. He shoulder-tossed an Orc over his head. "I waited…." He kicked an Orc in the groin. "For you…" He dropkicked an Orc. "All day!" He grabbed an Orc by its collar, and mercilessly wailed on its face. "I'm…not…wasting time on…being pooped out, now…"

"Aww," Marcy said, batting her eyes as she lifted a pile of Orc over her head. "All this just for little ol' me. You're such a gentleman"

Finn's face turned obscenely red. "Yeah," Finn said... "I mean…no…I mean…QUIT JACKING WITH MY BRAIN!"

"Oh, calm down, ya weenie! It's just a joke! Grow the…" She tossed the Orc pile to him "Plumb up!"

"I'm not a weenie!" Finn said, excitedly. He dodged some of the incoming Orcs, and those he couldn't sidestep he punched out of his way. "I'm awesome!"

Marcy gave a nod of approval. "Not too shabby kid. I guess you took my lessons to heart, huh?" Unbeknownst to Finn, Marcy was lifting up Orcs and Goblins behind him with telekinesis.

"Yeah," Finn said, breathily. "I guess I have. I _did_ expect you to throw those guys at me."

"Really?" she said, smugly. "Well, were you expect…this?!" Finn just noticed her ruse in time to avoid a few of the now-propellant Orcs and Goblins, but was ultimately unable to sidestep them all. The bodies piled up on top of him.

Marcy cackled. "Gotcha, again."

Finn popped out of the pile with vigor and chuckled, in spite of himself. "Yeah, okay. I get it. Don't celebrate before the aft-end bits hit the fan."

"Live and learn," Marcy said, winking at him. She picked him back up, and for a moment, Finn felt all gooey-guts about making skin-to-skin contact with her. "Now get off your lazy behind and show me what you're made of." With a flourish, she bowed and stepped aside. "After you, good sir."

"Thank you, good madam," Finn said, bowing back. Finn charged with all his might into the horde, fighting with seemingly endless, renewed energy alongside Marcy: an energy he didn't realize existed. An energy he had only ever felt with Bubblegum and Flame Princess. The energy, of course, was the power of "Like-Like." In that moment, Finn felt compelled to protect Marcy, even though she was far less in danger than he was. Anytime a Goblin nipped at her heels, he would give it a swift kick in the business. Anytime an Orc tried to cleave her in two, Finn would drop it with a boot to the melon. Any time a splatter of bodily fluids spilt her way _**(And I'll leave out the more gory details. This is a T-Rated fanfic, after all!)**_ , he would take the hit. Usually, he would want to get a little sticky stuff on himself _**(Don't you DARE Touch your keyboards in the review section!)**_ , but for her, it felt worth it (I actually find this paragraph highly regrettable, in retrospect). _This feels amazing! I can't believe how good this really feels! I…I think I'm really in like-like!_ _ **(Eww)**_ (Eww)

"Hey, Finn!" Marcy said, irritably. "Quit stealing my kills."

"Sorry, Marcy…" Finn said. He grabbed an Orc in front of him. "Here. You can have this guy."

"Thanks!" She sucker-punched it so hard, that both Finn and the Orc went flying.  
Finn felt his heart flutter at the prospect of holding up a guy for a beautiful woman to punch, to the point that he didn't even care if his body crashed into a wall.

"Finn?" Marcy She flew over to him and brushed him off. "You ok?"

"Yeah," Finn said, dreamily.

"Sorry, about that," She blushed, I guess I'm excited, too" She coughed. "Come on! Let's end this!"

"Ok," Finn said still trapped in la la land. The two laid waste to the rest of the army, punching and kicking happily across the battlefield. The world seem to slow down for Finn, as he marveled at the beauty of Marcy. She wasn't a finely tuned scalpel like Bubblegum. In fact, she was far more like Flame Princess, in that she was a beautiful wrecking ball of destruction who fought with fury rather than finesse.

"Keep on your toes, Finn," Marcy said. "We still got some Trolls to deal with."

Finn took a look at the group of Trolls coming their way. "Oh man," He worried. "That's lot of Trolls!" _**(And not the funny, internet-dwelling kind, either)**_. "Ya think we can take them?"

"Only one way to find out," She placed Finn on her shoulder and turned into her giant bat form. "Let's teach 'em a lesson,"

Finn smiled. "Ok! Let's get 'em!"

Marcy charged at the Trolls, claws extended. Finn held on to the back of her neck as Marcy slashed a Trolls face, causing to it recoil in pain, before kicking to the ground. Another Troll attempted to flank her and club her head in, but she managed to grab the club in one hand, before punching in the gut. She took the club, and smashed the Troll into the ground. She used the club again to smash the head of another Troll, pushing its limp body into a group of Trolls.  
However, Finn took notice of the Trolls behind them. "Marcy, Look out!"  
"Huh?" Marcy turned around to see a club smack her right in the face. She collapsed hard on her hands and knees.  
"Marcy!" Finn shouted. However, the Trolls came in full force, smashing down on Marcy with tremendous force. She enlarged her wings to protect herself and Finn from the strikes, but her strength was barely enough to keep her on her knees, let alone stand up. "Marcy," Finn said, worriedly. "Are you ok?"  
"Does it…look like…I'm ok?" Marcy said, in obvious pain. "I don't know…I long I can keep this up….we…gotta think of something…and fast!"

"Oh Glob," Finn panicked. "What do I do…What do I do…What do I do?" Finn desperately tried to think of what to do, super stressed at seeing his potential love-interest get smashed into bat-pancakes. Then, in a moment of comparative calm, Finn took notice of one the Troll's clubs as it landed a hit on Marcy's wings. Finn got his "aha!" moment, and immediately climbed up Marcy's wing.  
"Finn," Marcy said. "What are you doing up there?  
"I'm gonna save you, Marcy…" Finn said, finally reaching the top of the wing, anticipating the club to land another "With my hero heart/brain COMBOOOOOO!" the club landed with a massive _Thwop on her back_ and Finn went silent.  
"Aaaargh!" Marcy cried. Then, we she didn't hear Finn, she ignored her pain. "Finn! Are you there?! Finn? FINNNN!"  
 _ **(Really? You're gonna go for the "OMG! Did he actually die?/Surprise! He actually didn't" move?)**_

(Look, dude, at this point, I'm just winging it. I'm tired, I've written seven or eight different drafts of this stupid story, and I've still got some fanart to draw. Cut me some slack, will ya.)  
 _ **(Uuuugh. Fine. Just keep this junk to a minimum, will ya?)  
**_ (Yeah. Whatever. Surprise, Finn's not dead. Woo. Yay. Ok. Let's get this over with.)  
Finn jumped on one of the Trolls' shoulders, and turned his attention to another Troll. "Hey bog breath!" Finn shouted. "You need a mint, Cuz' yo B-R-E-F stank!"  
"Finn?" Marcy questioned.  
"What?" A Troll said, angrily. "Me breath not boggy!"  
"You say what…" One of the other Trolls replied. Then the troll who was insulted smacked the troll who asked the question in the head with a club, causing the Troll to fall the ground with a thunderous boom.  
"Me brush me teeth twenty-five/eight!"  
Finn giggled, and leaped onto a Troll's shoulder, and called to the angry Troll. "Hey Bridge Butt! Your butt's so big...um…that your butt would pay the entire toll to cross the bridge!"  
"Finn!" Marcy said, relieved.  
The angry Troll smacked the other Troll, Finn jumping off in time to land on the ground below.  
"WHY YOU MAKE FUN OF ME! ME HAVE REAL ANXIETY ISSUES!"

The other Trolls ceased their assault on Marcy, and turn to see the screaming Troll.  
"Hey, Rukt!" One of them asked. "Who you talk to?"  
"I talk to you big meanies! You insult me!"  
"We not insult you! We busy beating up Bat Thing"  
"While you _insult_ Rukt! You know Rukt is very depressed!"

"Rukt a dirty, fat lier!"  
"Rukt not dirty or fat! Granted, Me did lie a lot, as me was master thief in college, but me not those other things!"  
The other Trolls saw the bodies of their unconscious comrades on the ground. "Rukt traitor!" They held up their clubs. "We beat up Rukt!"  
"Bring it on! Rukt can take physical scars! It emotional scars that too painful for him!"  
As the Trolls got into the scuffle, Finn ran over to Marcy and climbed into her outstretched hand. She smiled. "Nice one, hero."  
Finn shrugged. "I have my moments."  
A tear of relief was seeping down on Marcy's cheek. _You really are something, kid. I'm glad you're ok._  
"Marcy?" Finn asked, concernedly. "Are you ok?" _  
_"Yeah! Of course!" She sucked up the tear "Well… it's my moment, to shine, now. The uglies and I have a score to settle." She placed Finn back on her shoulder, and began to crack her knuckles. Two Trolls remained standing, punching each other, senselessly.  
"Apologize!" A Troll said

"No!" The other retorted. "You apologize!"  
"No you!"  
"No you!"  
"No you!"  
"Aaaaaah! Shut uuuuuup!" Marcy said, smashing the Troll's heads together, a satisfying 'clonk' coming from each of their skulls. The two fell to the ground, and she dusted her hands off. "Well, that takes care of that." She shrunk back down to her regular size, holding Finn's hands in preparation for the long flight. "You ready to get that sword, hero?"

Finn blushed and smiled. "Yeah, Marcy! Let's go!"

As the two flew up the mountain, Finn's mind raced, thinking about the awesome new sword that he was gonna get, as well as these new feelings that he was having for Marcy, both in a romantic sense, and a friendly sense. Up until now, Finn forgot why he had even made friends with Marcy in the first place. She was a very distant person, and even when he did hang out with her, he felt like he never got to know the _real_ her. But, he also began to remember that, when she really wanted to, Marcy could be every bit as fun as either Bubblegum or Flame Princess, maybe even more so, given her status as a radical dame who plays games. She could be wild and wacky, doing crazy things to jack with his mind or do dangerous stunts just for the heck of it. In fact, all this fighting from both today and the night at the cave reminded Finn of the time he and Marcy fought for the first time, in that same cave, unintentionally solidified their friendship, that day, as well as the time Marcy took Finn to go fight and ride wolves to cheer him up. It was then that Finn realized that, along with their love of music, he and Marcy had always had a love for physical combat and life-threatening situations, something he had now wished they had done more of, during those times where he was comparatively more happy. It was almost as if that more awesome person he met, four years ago, had been replaced by a much more moody clone, and only now when the more awesome person returned did he realize how much he missed her. Not unlike himself in the past year, now that he thought about it.

W _ow_! Finn thought. I _wanna see more of "this" Marcy. This Marcy is…awesome…  
_ But, it wasn't just her personality that Finn had become attracted to. He started noticing more "external" things about Marcy, namely how beautiful she actually was. She was a very pretty girl, with a slim but healthy figure, a sweet and youthful face, long and flowing raven hair that seemed to shimmer in the sun, and, strangely the most attractive to Finn, was Marcy's cute, pointy ears. _Heehee. There so pointy, I just wanna pinch 'em_ (Because Glob knows that when I ogle a beautiful woman, the first thing I notice is her ears…Ah, who am I kidding. I love pointy ears, too).

"Alright, Finn!" Marcy said.

"Wha?" Finn said, finely being shaken out of his trance.  
Marcy dropped Finn on top of the skull, haphazardly. "Get your stupid sword and let's go."

"Yeah," Finn panted, half-dazed from amazement and exhaustion. "And… ya know… Thanks, Marcy." Finally, after what felt like an eternity of fighting, Finn got to see the rad, new sword with his own eyes. He marveled at its magnificence. Even though it was halfway embedded within the skull, Finn could tell that it was a katana. The blade, handguard, and pommel were a gleaming white, and even more beautiful in Finn's eyes was the handle, which was a glorious baby-blue (Ya know, 'cause he's a boy and I guess I'm still a little Old World). "Wow! It's…It's…totally Leviticus!" (See?)

"Hey, Finn!" Marcy shouted to him. "Get your thumb out your butt and get the sword, already!"

"R-Right. Sorry, Marcy." Finn spat in his hands, rubbed them together, and attempted to pull the sword out with all his might. However it wouldn't budge. "Um…Marcy! I need a hand!"

Marcy sighed. "Fine, you little girl." She pushed him aside. "I got this, no problem." She attempted to pull it out, but she too couldn't make it budge. Marceline, apathetic to a fault (Well, she _is_ ), gave up after roughly four seconds and shrugged. "Ah, screw it. This thing must be cursed."  
"What?" Finn said in disbelief. "No! It can't be cursed!"  
"Well, it's not really embedded all that deep in the skull. That can only mean that it's being held down by some kind of magic."  
"Well, how do we get it out?"  
She shrugged. "I dunno. I'm no magicologist. Maybe you gotta prove your heroism…the power of friendship…love…I dunno. Something mushy gushy, like that."  
Finn beamed. "I got all that, in spades!"  
"Great," Marcy said, with a smile. "Cuz I ain't got any of that. So…" she smacked Finn on the back. "Get back to work, hero!"

"Right!" Finn said. He spat in his hands, again, rubbing them even harder together, and pulled even harder than before. "I'll get…the…sword…even if it kills me!"

As if on cue, the mountain began to rumble, and the skull began to rise from the peak. However, it was soon clear that it wasn't just a skull, but an enormous skeleton _**(So enormous, in fact, that the square-cube law decided to take a two week vacation in order for this story to happen)**_.

"Hey!" The skeleton shouted in an old man voice. "What's with all the noise? And why does my head hurt so bad?" It reached around the top of its head, trying to feel for whatever was giving it the bad case of the headaches.

"Oh, beans," Marcy gasped. She grabbed Finn as fast she could and they got off the skull before the enormous hand could crush them.

"Hey! Who are you young whippersnappers? Don't you know this is my bedtime? If I don't get at least 1500 years of sleep, I get cranky!"

"Sorry, pops!" Marcy retorted, having to shout for the enormous creature to be able to hear her. "But we ain't leaving until we kick your butt!"

"Um…Marcy," Finn said softly. "I'm not sure we should be arguing with a bajillion-foot skele…"

"Kick my butt?" the skeleton laughed. "Girly, I've picked bone lice bigger than you. In fact, I've fought every warrior under the sun and the moon. Ya honestly think you're a match for…"

"Vampire kick!" Marcy shouted, kicking its face.  
"Aaargh!" The skeleton recoiled. "My supraorbital margin!" It grumbled in anger. "That's it! You're dead, missy! Double dead!"

"I don't think so!" Marcy shouted as she turned into an even bigger version of her giant bat form, big enough to match the size of the skeleton. "Hang tight, Finn. I'm gonna give Mister Bones the ride of his life!"

Finn now perched precariously on her shoulder as she began to grapple with the skeleton.

"You're going down, old timer!" Marcy shouted!

"Bring it on, you colossal chiropteran!" the skeleton retorted.

Marcy had only about ten minutes, at least, to keep this gigantic form, as such a form expended a lot of energy to maintain. If she was gonna beat this skeleton, she was gonna have to do it, quickly. _Come on, Marceline,_ she thought, trying to pump herself. _Just knock him off the mountain. That's your best bet!_ She attempted to push the skeleton off the mountainside, but Skeleton stood its ground, and eventually proved strong enough to push her near the edge. _Glob! This guy's strong!_

"You think you can outwrestle me, sweety?!" The Skeleton shouted. "I didn't win the Giant Skeleton Wrestling Tournament 507 years in a row for noth…"

"Don't call me SWEETY!" Marcy shouted, as she kneed the skeleton in its ribcage.  
"Ow!" The Skeleton shouted. "My xiphoidal process!" As he was stunned, Marcy attempted to go dive for his knees, but barely managed to grab them before the skeleton slammed both his fists on her head. "Uh uh uh uuuuh! You won't be getting' me THAT way," he replied, kicking Marcy in the face.  
"Aaaargh!" Marcy yelped, her head ringing from the force.  
"Come on, Marcy!" Finn said. "Don't give up! I believe in you! Give that bag-of-bones what for!"

Marcy rose back in anger, claws extended and ready to break the Skeleton to pieces. "Oh, I'll give him what for!" She slashed at the Skeleton across the face, leaving no visible marks, but obviously causing him pain.  
"Aaaargh!" The Skeleton yelled in pain. "My masseter! My aching temporalis!"  
Marcy kept slashing at the Skeleton, who held its arms up in defense. The Skeleton eventually grabbed her arms, using his immense strength to hold them in place. But, Marcy head-butted the Skeleton, who held its face in pain.

"Yeah! Woo!" Finn cheered. "Go get 'em Marcy."

Marcy gave a devilish smile and kicked the Skeleton, causing him to lose his balance and almost tumble off the mountain.  
"Marcy!" Finn protested. "Don't let him fall! He might break the sword!"  
Marceline sighed. "Alright! Jeez! Who's doing all the work here?" She grabbed Skeleton's arms and pulled him back up.  
"Oh," The Skeleton said, pleasantly. "Thanks for the save, girly."  
"Yeah, yeah," Marcy said. "Don't get too friendly, pal."  
"Alright!" The Skeleton punched her in the face. "I won't!"

"Ow!" Marcy shouted, her nose feeling like it had been smushed into her skull.  
"Marcy!" Finn shouted.  
"That's for hitting my nasal region, you bleepblop!" The Skeleton shouted.  
Marcy became super angry and simply charged the Skeleton, head on! "You're dead!" The giants locked hands, making sure the other would either crumble under their own strength, or be tossed to their doom.  
As the giants tussled, Finn worried about Marcy being killed in the fight, his sword being crushed, and even his own life. _I can't keep doing this,_ Finn thought. _I gotta get that sword, now! For me and Marcy's sake!_ With his resolve restored, Finn crawled across Marcy's arm, doing his darnedest to hold to dear life while also avoiding the strikes. The skeleton grabbed her arm, and Finn held onto the sparse hairs. However, Marcy smacked the skeleton's hand away, and Finn was swept to the side. Finn held on even tighter, now being at the mercy of titanic forces well beyond his sphere of influence. As Marcy held up her claws for a swipe, Finn climbed up to the hand, and used it to jump onto the skeleton's collar bone. Marcy's claws grabbed at it, and he had to jump to the Skeleton's shoulder. Finn didn't know what to do at this point. That final jump was all he had left.

"Hey Marcy!" Finn shouted, breathily over the hurricane-force fisticuffs. "I can't reach his head!"  
Marcy was battered and bruised, and the immense mass of her body seemed to be weighing heavily on her spirit and stamina. "Finn! I'm getting exhausted! I can't keep this up for much longer!"  
"Come on Marcy…I…" Finn had a crazy idea, probably his craziest, yet. "Hey, Marcy! Don't be such a weenie!"

"Ha!" She chuckled. "You got stones, kid," She used the last remnants of her strength to pull the skeleton's head down, so that Finn could get on top. "Now get the sword before bonehead kills you…or I do!" She hissed, in jest.

The skeleton pulled its head up, uppercutting Marcy in the jaw. "Girly! You don't know who you're messin' with! My bones are magically unbreakable! I can take the hits!" The skeleton pushed her off the side of the mountain. "You, on the other hand, on are on your last legs!" Marcy fell to the ground below, the force causing the mountain to shake.  
"Marcy!" Finn called to her. Almost on instinct, Finn felt a rush of emotion coursed through his body, tears pouring from his eyes as he attempted to pull the sword out, once more. However, as if for dramatic effect (And because I'm tired of this chapter), Finn finally succeeded, and he held his sword in the air. "I did it! My hero heart got the sword out!"

"AAAAAAAAAARGH!" the skeleton exclaimed. Then, as if something made him pause, he smiled with relief. "Hey, my headache's gone."

"What?" Finn questioned.

The giant grabbed Finn in its palm, gently. "Hey, kid, what the heck did you do to make my headache go away?"

"Um…" Hesitated. He lifted up the sword. "I…pulled a sword from out of your head?"

"What?" The skeleton asked, in surprised. "I had a sword stuck in my head? How the heck did that get there?"

Finn was confused. "I thought this was a part of a big challenge, and that getting the sword was the prize."

"Challenge? Prize?" The skeleton asked. "Ain't been nobody up here in centuries. Must have been that stupid half-giant who stuck me out of spite."

"Half-Giant?" Finn asked, excitedly. "You mean Billy was here!"

"Billy, Jilly, Rodrigues, who cares?!" the skeleton said, angrily. "The jerk put a sword in my head!"

"Wow!" Finn said, wide-eyed. "Maybe this was Billy's way of apologizing to me? Um…Sorry about Billy, Mr. Skeleton" Finn said. "But, now that the sword's out, may I please have it?"

"Yeah, sure, kid. Ain't much use to me, what with me being a two mile high skeleton, and what not."

"Wow! Thanks, Mr. Skeleton!"

"Don't mention it, kid," Then he tossed Finn away. "Now beat it! I got 1475 years to go."

Finn flew across the sky, screaming with his eyes shut in fear, before Marcy with her last ounce of strength, grabbed him in the nick of time, before she fell to the ground. Finn finally unclenched his eyes to see himself on top of Marcy, he blushed. "M-m-marcy?"

She pushed him off of her. "That's the last time I help your stupid behind," She said, agitatedly. "Now help me up, before I kill you!"

Finn chuckled. "Sure, Marcy." He propped her up on his shoulders, and the two of them limped back to Jake.

The two made it to where Jake laid, and he was still quite swollen. "Jake!" Finn said, excitedly. "We did it! We got the sword!"

"Nithe work, Guysth!" Jake said, excitedly." I thaw the fighth on the mountain! That wath amathing."

"Yeah" Marcy said, rubbing her back and shoulders. "Well, it didn't feel too amazing."

"Thorry," Jake said, sympathetically. "But at leastht you guys are both ok. And Finn got his thord!"  
"Yep!" Finn said, happily. "Sure did!" He got his to-do list out and wrote on it. "Get a rad new sword. "Check."

"So," Marcy began. How the heck are we gonna get Jake back to your place?"

Finn looked at some rope from the remnants of the enemy camp, as well as some broken handles from the Trolls' clubs, and he had a very strange idea indeed.  
After dragging Jake via a makeshift net and sticks, the group made it back to the treefort by nightfall, having to put Jake in the garage, because he was too big for the doorway. Finn put an overly-small blanket over his brother's swollen body, and gave him some apple juice and an ice pack for his head. "All comfy bro?"

"Thnug ath a newborn, baby rattlethnake in a incubathun tank," Jake replied, relaxed. Thankth a lot, bro." Marcy cleared her throat to get Jake's attention. "Oh! And thtank you too, Marfthy. You did mostht of the leg work.

"No, problem, Jake," Marcy, said smugly.  
"Thanks, Marcy," said Finn with all sincerity. "We couldn't have done it without you."

"I know" She said, with an arrogant smirk. "That was just child's play, for me. I knew you weenies couldn't handle it by yourselves."

"Well, I'm glad you came," Finn said. "I had a lot of fun with you, Marcy.

She blushed. "Y-yeah, it was fun wasn't it?"

"Yeah," Finn said, dreamily. "It was."

After a moment of silence, Marcy finally cleared her throat and spoke. "Well, I guess I better get going, now. See you later, guys."

"Yeah," Finn said, disappointedly. "See ya later."

Marcy was about to fly off, but the voice in her head came back, once more.

 _You know, though, you may live forever, but Finn definitely won't._

"Finn! Wait!"

Finn stopped in his tracks. "Marcy?"

"I-I have to tell you something. Jake, could you excuse us, for a sec?"

Jake smiled smugly. "Of courth I can. I'll leave you two "love births" alone."

"Jaaaaake!" Finn whined.  
Marcy flew Finn and her to the top of the tree fort. Too tired to stand, Finn sat his caboose right down on the soft leaves. "So, what did you need to tell me, Marcy?"

She sighed, and sat down next to him. "Finn. We've been friends for a while now, and I've been thinking about something really big for almost about as long as I've known you."

"What exactly have you been thinking about, Marcy?"

She sighed, trying to force the words out. "Well, I've….I thought how you've been a good friend to me, all these and how you've saved my butt all those times…and I was…" She huffed. "Screw it! I like you, ok? I like you, a lot!

Finn's heart sunk in surprise. "You…you like me? You…you like-like me!"

"I didn't think so, at first," She said, embarrassedly. "But after years of really thinking about it, I…I guess I just couldn't deny it, anymore."

Finn's heart raced even harder. _OMG! Marcy likes me! "Like-likes" me I-I-I don't what to say! What do I say?_ "MARCYILIKELIKEYOU,TOO!" Finn blurted out. He covered his mouth, surprised at what he had just spit out.

Marcy looked in shock. "Did…did you just say, you like me?"

Finn blushed. "Y-yeah…I guess I did."

"W-wow….that's…" She blushed even harder. "That's news, for me."

They both turned away. This was awkward for both of them. Neither knew that the other would make such a claim, in a million years, let alone what they'd do if and when it was finally said (and they were pretty sure it wouldn't be).

"So, um… I mean… How long has this been going on?" Marcy said.

"I-I-…I guess it was at the time we fought together in the caves," He said, tentatively. "You looked so awesome fighting those rats, and then you kissed me…and… and I guess my brain just went poop."

There was an intensely awkward silence.

"Heh, heh…" Finn chuckled, trying to salvage the moment "So, ya know… Good… Great work!"

Marcy's face flushed and she eyed him in utter confusion. "'Great work?'"

Finn's face, in turn, shifted instantly into the reddest red imaginable. "No! Um… What I meant to say is that… I… Uh..!" Exasperated, he crumpled up into ball and pulled his hat down over his eyes.

"No, wait," Marcy sighed. "It's fine, dude. I just… well…this is all kinda awkward."

"Yeah," Finn said, "I know. So…what happens now?"

"I…" Marcy murmured. "I dunno. To be honest, I didn't leave the house planning for this, today."

The two remained silent once more. Finn's mind raced with fantasies of him and Marcy together. He saw them holding hands, kissing, rolling on the ground. It excited him in ways he never thought it could. _And then you'll turn her into another one of your sick fantasies, just like you did with Flame Princess._ Finn teared up at this prospect.

Marcy, simultaneously, tried to think about what life would be like if she and Finn got together, though unlike Finn, her visions were gloomier. Sure, maybe they work as a couple. Heck, maybe the first few years would be the greatest moments of their lives, but the next few years could also go horribly wrong, and even if they were perfect for one another, Finn would still grow old, someday, and…

"No! I can't!" They both said, simultaneously. They looked back at each other, confused. "What did you say?" They both said at the same time. "No. You first."

"Ok, ok, ok," Finn said. "Marcy, I...I can't date you. I just…I just can't…"

Marcy frowned and sullenly tucked her knees up to her chin. "Yeah, no. I totally dig that. I… I really was such a terrible friend to you, for all those years."

"No! No! It's not that, Marcy!" Finn protested.

"It's ok, Finn," She said. "You don't have to sugarcoat it. I almost got you killed. More than once, I might add."

"No, it's…" Finn said. "It's just that…I went through such a bad breakup, and…I guess I'm afraid that I'll go through it, again. Plus, if that did happen, I wouldn't just lose a girlfriend…well…I would lose a friend, too."

Marcy felt a tinge a disappointment. It wasn't exactly what she had wanted to hear (she wasn't actually sure _what_ she had wanted to hear, but she was sure it wasn't that). Still, she felt a certain level of satisfaction about the whole thing. Perhaps the whole exchange had been awkward and poorly thought-out, but, at the very least, they could both say that they had put themselves out there.

"I… I think you're right, Finn," Marcy began. "We honestly don't know what to expect if we got together, and you know me. I'm really good at hurting people, and not so great at building them back up. I can't imagine what it be like if I hurt you…as my boyfriend." The last of her statement made her so profoundly uncomfortable that she could swear she felt the words balling up at the back of her throat like a wad of fat from some old steak (You know, back when she _could_ eat steak…I like fat on my steak, BTDubs. Don't judge).

"Marcy, you're not a bad friend…you're just…you're just..." Then Finn sighed to himself.  
He honestly did try to fish out a word, but he just didn't know what to say. It was true about what Marcy said. She _had_ been kind of a selfish friend, and she did almost get him killed on more than one occasion. But Finn felt that there had to be more to it than that. Why else would he risk his life to save a person he barely knew and who seemed to want to distant herself from him as much as humanly (or "vampirely") possible. _Because she's your friend, dude,_ Finn's Hero Heart said to him _**(Not literally, of course, 'cuz that would be creepy)**_. _Homies help homies, no matter what._ Finn marveled at his own heart, silently praising it for being smarter than himself, most of the time. _You help her because helping peeps is who you are. Because being a hero means going through helps for those you care about, no matter who they are or what they've done. Marcy may not be perfect, yo, but neither are you, so cut her some slack, will ya?_ Finn began to smile at that prospect. _Plus, ya remember when she saved you and Jake from falling to your death when she tricked you into thinking you were vampires? I mean, yeah, she coulda done a better job of helping you out of that biz, but…at least she apologized for it, right?_ Finn nodded with a smile. _Yup. And remember when she got you guys out of the Nightosphere before things went totes southwest, even when she went coocoo for Krobopuffs from wearing her dad's amulet? She coulda let you guys croak, then, but she didn't._ Finn nodded with an even bigger smile. _And don't forget about you guy's time in the cave? Marcy may never admit it to your face, but she cares about you, bro.  
_ Marcy lifted an eyebrow to Finn's silence. "Finn? Are you alright? You went all quiet, all of a sudden. And why are you smiling like an idiot?"

Finn just gave her a satisfied nod, before turning to speak with her, again, "Maybe you just needed the right time," Finn said, hopefully, "before you were ready to show how much you really cared. Like… what happened at your cave, for instance? You know, with the rats?"

She smiled and sighed. "I guess the bumpass was the right time to do that, huh? I planned that whole thing out, ya know?"

"What?"

"Yeah," Marcy blushed and smirked. "Ever since you stopped coming over to my place, I paid those Rats under the table to hang around and look menacing, just kinda figuring you'd end up back there, eventually, and then we could have a big romp at someone else's expense. I… I guess I figured it would happen sooner, because I took our friendship for granted. But… I didn't know you'd be so…well…full of bumpass. But I guess it worked. And all that mushy stuff just made it more personal…."

Finn teared up and interrupted her with a hug. "Marcy! That's the nicest thing you could've ever done for me. You coulda left me to waste away in my own sweat and shame, but you didn't. You helped me get through my bumpass. You see? You're not such a bad friend. You just needed time to, ya know… figure out how to show how your brain works!"

Marcy cringed at that level of intimacy. While, deep down, she rather liked the warmth of Finn's embrace, and (despite how she reacted in her dream), her body just couldn't get used to the idea of hugging someone (not even Finn) who she didn't see as family, and almost on instinct, she pushed him off her. "Yeah, yeah. Don't get all sentimental, you wuss." Then she softened. "But, you know…"she sighed and smiled. "Thanks, Finn."

Finn smiled back. "No problem, Marcy." After a moment of silence, Finn decided to speak again. "So, we just wanna be friends?"

Marcy smiled. "Yeah, Finn. I think that would be best. Dating is so overrated, anyway."

"But, we could still hang out more," Finn said. "Make up for lost time, ya know? Get to know each other a little better, go on adventures, and prank people, and stuff."

She nodded. "Ya know what? I think I'd like that a lot, Finn."

"Great!" Finn said. "So, How 'bout we go picking on the Periwinkle People at Seaside Village, next week?"

"Sounds like a plan," She agreed, chuckling to herself. "Periwinkles scare easier than lemmings!"

"Ok," Finn said, happily. "See ya then, Marcy."

"Yep," She quickly kissed him on the cheek. "Just don't fall in love with me, ok?"  
Finn shook off his discomfort. "Don't worry. I won't!"  
"And work on your cardio, chubs! You looked really pathetic, out there." She winked, and she was off.  
Finn smiled. "Ok, Marcy, see ya later!" As she left, Finn took out his to-do list. "Hangout with Marcy? Check. Become better friends with Marcy? Not a check, but definitely worth some bonus points! Get cardio training from the greatest warrior in the Candy Kingdom; Ratteballs?" He put a star by that last one. "To be continued, in the near future."  
Finn returned to the garage to meet his brother,

"Tho," Jake said. "What did you guyth talk about?

"Well," Finn said, somewhat embarrassedly. "Turns out me and Marcy just so happen to like-like each other, but we didn't want to ruin the friendship we started to build up."

"Are you thure, bro?" Jake said, uncertainly. "You might come to regreth ith, later."  
"I might," Finn said more confidentally. "But it's like you said. I gotta wait a while before I'm sure of anything."

"If thaths what you thfink, bro," Jake said. "Then I'll thupport you all the way."

"Thanks, Jake," Finn said. He stretched his arms and yawned. "Man. I'm tired. Ya mind if I use your guts for a pillow?

"Go ahead, bro" Jake also yawned. "My tummy could uthe a methage, tonight."

Finn smiled and nodded. "Sound like a plan, bro." He layed down and rested his head on Jake's belly, and closed his eyes. "Night Jake."

"Night, Finn." Jake said sleepily.

 _ **(Th**_ _ **e End! There! Satisfied peeps? I know I am! Now, if you feel you got your fill of backstory, prepare yourself for the main story; "Adventure Time with Finn, Marcy and Jake: Return of the Undead Jerkwad!" #Finnceline4Life!)**_

Cast (if I actually had the budget for that kinda thing. If these were not the things you heard in your head, well…nuts to you! This is my story, son!)

-Finn: Jason Mardsen (the voice I had in my head while reading fanfiction of when Finn is older. For this story, my mind keeps going back and forth between the Jason Marsden and Jeremy Shada voice, but for the sake of continuity, I will credit Jason Marsden, as that's the voice I imagined Finn to have in the next story. This is not to disrespect Jeremy Shada, of course, as he is and always WILL be the voice of Finn in the main canon! But, I really wanna go for a voice that still sounds young, but sounds more mature and one which could talk to Marceline on an even footing.)

-Marceline: Olivia Olson

-Jake, Orcs, Warhead Warren, Banana Guard, Death: John Dimaggio

-Bubblegum: Hynden Walch

-Peppermint Butler: Steve Little

-Mr. Cupcake, Bug Family, Goblins, Rats: Dee Bradley Baker

-Rats, Orcs, Goblins: Frank Welker

-Starchy, Banana Guard: Tom Kenny

-Sheldon, Orcs: Wes Johnson (imagine Hermaeus Mora from _Skyrim_ , but without the slurred speech, and you'll get the picture),

-Trolls: Fred Tatasciore

-Star, Moon, Orcs: Kevin Michael Richardson

-Narrator: Craig Sechler (imagine the Adoring Fan from _Oblivion_ minus the British accent)

-Giant Skeleton: Dwight Schultz

-Writer: Nate Bush (Me)  
 _  
_-Special Thanks to:

My older brother Logan for being my editor and creative consultant. He's not really for Finnceline, but his expert writing skills and brotherly love helped make this story as good as it is.

Margret "Madge" Register, my brother's wife, a fellow Finnceline shipper and my creative consultant. Her words of encouragement were instrumental in my continuing with the story.

Safwan Jayden (Saffy for short) another fellow Finnceline Shipper whose continuous positivity helped me continue with Finnceline, even when I began to lose hope in it. Our image of an ideal Adventure Time fanfiction are completely opposite, but our respect for one another is quite apparent. Not to mention his willingness to draw the covers for my upcoming stories. Thanks again, bro!

Thanks to Neverthrive, Bladeguy9, RandomFanFictionReader772, Ruby Sword, and Mew Luna for their inspirational stories as well as The Stinky Foot for her amazing artwork that helped remind me that Finnceline can be fun as well as emotional.

My buddy, Josh, my younger brother, Gage, and internet friend, Alpha Omega, for talking some deep-seeded issues I have with the show over with me.

Thanks to my Mom and Dad for being so supportive of this activity.

He23t and sonicthehedgehog2 for their frequent reviewing and encouraging words.

Jasper Joestar for being my best bro on the internet and for his moral support.

And finally to Pendelton Ward for creating this awesome world in the first place!

Thanks again, guys! Thanks to your positive attitudes, encouraging words, and endless supply of patience, I have managed to do the unthinkable; complete an honest to Glob story! Sure, it was super short, but for me, it's an important step to my goal of being a writer! For years, I've struggled with depression and lack of motivation, and because of those reasons, it took me two years just to write a first draft for Jerkwad. I also wrote this story when I was at my most down, and so, no surprise, Finn's and Marcy's depression are of sort of an extension of my own depression. Not to mention, I haven't been very subtle in my disappointment in the show starting in Season 5, which made me even more depressed (I will explain myself a little better, at some point). But, rather than turn this into a completely dark and angst ridden story about how much life sucks, I decided to tackle these issues with humor, compassion, and a truckful of memes that I hope stick. Again, thank you all for your love and your support! Merry Christmas and a happy new year!


End file.
